Class 







COEXRIGUT OEPOSm 



elieve Me XMrtip 



'ERICK BALLARD 









FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St., New York 



■:'.i^'W€y^sw^m,f'^M 






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Believe Me, Xantippe 



A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS 



BY 



FREDERICK BALLARD 



Copyrighted U. S. A. and Great Britain by J. F. Ballard 
Copyright, 1918, By Samuel French 



ALL EIGHTS EESERVED 



CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned 
that Belie\t] Me, Xantippe, being fully protected under 
the copyright laws of the United States, is subject to 
royalty, and anyone presenting the play without the 
consent of the author or his authorized agents will be 
liable to the penalties by law provided. Applications for 
the amateur acting rights must be made to Samuel 
French, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York. Applications 
for the professional acting rights must be made to the 
American Play Company, 33 West 42nd Street, New 
York. 



Nrw^ YoBK 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHTB 

28-30 West 38th STREET 



LOWDOW 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Stmbk 

STRAND 









Especial notice should be taken that the posseasioR 
©f this book without a valid contract for production 
first having been obtained from the publisher, confers 
no right or license to professionals or amateurs to 
produce the play publicly or in private for gain or 
charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the 
reading public only, and no performance of it may be 
given, except by special arrangement with Samuel 
French. 

SECTION 28.— That any person who wilfully or for 
profit shall infringe any copyright secured by this act, 
or who shall knowingly and wilfully aid or abet such 
infringement, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, 
and upon conviction thereof shall be punished by im- 
prisonment for not exceeding one year, or by a fine of 
not less than one hundred dollars nor more than one 
thousand dollars, or both, in the discretion of the court. 
Act of March 4. 1909. 



V 25 1918 

£)C1.0 49G77 



TO WILLSIE AND DAVID 



BELIEVE HE, XANTIPPE 
THE ORIGINAL CAST 

As produced at The Thirty-Ninth Street Theatre, 

New York CitM. 



George MacFarland Mr. John Barryinore 

Arthur Sole Mr. Alonzo Price 

Thornton Brown Mr. Henry Hull 

" Buck " Kamman Mr. Theodore Roberts 

" Simp " Calloway Mr. Frank Campeaii 

" Wrenn " Rtgley Mr. At. Roberts 

William Air. M. Tello Webb 

Martha Mr. Alpha Beyers 

Violet Aliss Kathcrine Harris 

Dolly Kamman Miss Mary Young 

CHARACTERS 

George MacFarland Of New York 

Thornton Brown His friend 

William MacFarland' s Valet 

Arthur Sole Detective 

" Buck " Kamman A Colorado Sheriff 

" Wrenn " His jailer 

" Simp " Kalloway A desperado 

Dolly Kamman Buck's daughter 

Martha Her aunt 

Violet Sirup's friend 

Place: A^^^^t' York and Coiorado 

Time: The present 
5 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



Act I. Oct. 7th. MacFarland's apartments in 

New York. 
Act II. Sept. 30th, the following year. A hunting 

shack in southwestern Colorado. 
Act III. Two days later. The County Jail at Delta, 

Colorado. 
Act IV. Four days later. The same. 



Believe Me, Xantippe 



ACT I 



Scene: George MacFarland's bachelor apart- 
ments at Sherry's, New York City. A well 
furnished room with two entrances — l. 3, door 
leading to bedroom; rear R., door leading to 
vestibule, l. 2, fireplace. R. 2, window. Table 
down center. Telephone desk, near r. 2, window. 
The room is discovered, lighted. There is a 
slight pause, then 

MacFarland. (Angrily, off l. 3) William! 
(Enter William, the valet, from vestibule, rear 
door R. c. Sharply) William! 

William. (Deliberately, as he gases towards 
L. 3) Yes, sir. 

MacFarland. (Angrily) Where are my shirt- 
studs ? 

William. The burglars stole them, sir. 

MacFarland. (Savagely) Hang the burglars ! 

William. Yes, sir, I would if I could catch 
them, sir. (Starts to exit) 

MacFarland. (Angrily) William! 

William. (Re-entering) Yes, sir. 

MacFarland. Where is Minerva? 

William. Who? 

MacFarland. (Loud and angry) My cameo 
stick-pin. 

W^iLLTAM. The burglars got that, too, sir. 

MacFarland. (Hotly) I'll be — is there any- 
thing the burglars didn't get? 

7 



8 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

William. {Deliherately, as before) Not that I 
know of, sir. 

{Do or -he II rings.) 

MacFarland. (Angrily) Answer the bell! 
Thank the Lord they didn't get that. 

William. Yes, sir. 

MacFarland. (Sarcastically, as William is 
exiting) It's probably a policeman coming to ex- 
plain why he hasn't caught the burglars. (Exit Wil- 
liam, rear i.) 

(Brown enters, rear d. follozved by William. 
Brown is a well-drefssed lazvyer of thirty.) 

Brown. Mr. MacFarland in? 
William. He's dressing, sir. 

(Brown gives hat and stick to Williaai who exits 

rear. ) 

Brown. (Calling off l. jovially) Hello, 
George ! 

MacFarland. (Off-stage, somezvhat groiichily) 
Who's that? 

Brown. Thornt. 

(Enter MacFarland, l. 3. MacFarland is a 
wealthy young bachelor — good looking, likable. 
Wears a loose dressing gozvn.) 

MacFarland. Hello, Thornt! (Crosses R. to 
zvindozv, kneels and begins looking on floor for 
cameo pin — crazvls around on knees) 

Brown. What are you looking for? 

IMacFarland. Minerva. The burglars took her. 

Brown. Then what's the use of looking for her? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 9 

MacFarland. The}^ might have dropped her as 
they crawled through this window. 

Brown. Nonsense ! 

MacFarland. (Testily) Burglars have been 
known to drop things, haven't they? 

Brown. Have the officers caught them yet? 

MacFarland. (Rising) No, and they never 
will, not in a hundred years ! (He takes cigar from 
box on table, bites end off angrily and lights cigar) 

Brown. (IVho has been watching him, amused, 
from in front of fireplace) Why this sudden effu- 
sion of optimism? 

MacFarland. (r. glancing at him, sharply) 
Cut the comedy. 

Brown. How much of it? 

MacFarland. All of it! (He paces r. toward 
telephone table) 
.Brown. (Dryly) Aren't you well? 

MacFarland. Fm sore. 

Brown. Where? 

MacFarland. (Pacing l., front) All over. 

Brown. You must have been here when the 
burglars arrived. 

MacFarland. (Glancing at him sharply, from 
R.) I wish I had been. I would have caught them. 
(Paces R. angrily) 

Brown. Is it too late now ? 

MacFarland. It wouldn't be if there were any 
policemen in New York. 

Brow^n. (Puzsled, surprised) Any policemen? 

MacFarland. (Sits r. c.) That's what I said. 

Brown. The streets are full of them. I passed 
ten as I came up here. 

MacP^arland. (Going towards him, from lozver 
r.) You mean you passed ten uniforms. I'm talk- 
ing about policemen — officers of the law — things that 
have brains and use them. 

Brown. Now look here, George. Simply because 



10 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

the police haven't captured the burglars v/ho robbed 
this apartment 

MacFarland. It isn't just this apartment; it's 
all apartments. They never catch the burglars. 
They're a bunch of sleepy overfed house-cats. All 
of them. 

Brown. George, I'm a lawyer and the police are 
my best friends. 

MacFarland. I don't care what you are. They 
are about as intelligent as a soft-shell crab. Be- 
lieve me, Xantippe, a soft-shell crab! 

Brown. Then why don't you hire a detective? 

MacFarla:^:d. They're worse than the police. 
(Sits R. c.) Thornt, the rank and file of detectives 
in this country are a bunch of fakers. (With sup- 
pressed anger crossing to Brown) Do you want me 
to tell you what's the matter with the United States ? 

Brown. (Somewhat sarcastically) I suppose 
it's the detectives, 

MacFarland. Not altogether. 

Brown. The police, then. 

MacFarland. They help, but 

Brov/n. But what? 

MacFarland. The great arm of the law — the 
thing that reaches out and seizes criminals and 
drags them into the courts — the great arm of the 
law in this country is paralyzed. 

Brown. (Challengingly) Is it? 

MacFarland. That's what I said ! Not only the 
arm itself but the fingers of the arm — (Holding out 
fingers of right hand and turning them down one 
by one during follozving) Police, detectives, sheriffs, 
deputy sheriffs, town marshals. No good, absolutely 
no good ! 

Brown. (Dryly) That's what you think. 

MacFarland. (Hotly and aggressively) All 
right, then why is it that every time the arm 
reaches out to get a criminal it gets left ? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE ii 

Brown. It doesn't. It gets the criminal. 

JMacFarland. It does like 

Brown. Our penitentaries are pretty well filled, 
aren't they? 

MacFarland. {Leveling finger at him) Why? 
Because criminals are like all other professional 
men. There are bound to be a few blockheads 
among them ; and the blockheads get caught. 

Brown. And only the blockheads, I suppose? 

MacFarland. If a crook isn't a blockhead, 
there's no more danger of his being caught than 
there is of a whale being crushed to death by a 
jelly-fish. I tell you, Thornt, a man of average 
intelligence and a little common sense can commit 
crime day in and day out in this country and get 
away with it. (Brown laughs heartily) You don't 
believe me, do you? 

Brown. I certainly do not. 

MacFarland. Why, confound it, Thornt, even 
you who could never keep away from anything in 
your life, you could keep away from the officers of 
the law. 

Brown. You couldn't. 

MacFarland. {Quickly and defiantly) I 
couldn't, eh? How much will you bet I couldn't? 

Brown. {Somewhat impatient zvith him. Rises) 
If you keep on talking, George, something interest- 
ing is going to happen. 

MacFarland. {Hotly) How much will you bet 
that I can't dodge every officer in this country? 

Brown. {Dryly) How many of them? 

MacFarland. All of them. Detectives ! Police ! 
Sheriffs ! Deputy Sheriffs ! All of them ! — How 
much will you bet ? 

Brown. How long can you dodge them? 

MacFarland. A week, a month, a year — any- 
thing you like. I haven't anything to do. 



12 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Brown. How will you prove you can dodge 
them ? 

MacFarland. By doing it. I'll fake up a crime 
and get the officers on my trail. Then I'll show 
you what a man with a little common sense can do 
when the law tries to get him. 

Brown. (Frozvnhig, gravely) For how long 
did you sa}/? 

MacFarland. A 3/ear! 

Brown. A year is a long time, George. 

MacFarland. I have ten thousand "dollars that 
says I can do it. 

Brown. (After pause, during zuhich lie studies 
MacFarland) Are you in earnest? 

MacFarland. Just to prove I'm in earnest, I'll 
give you odds of two to one. 

Brown. George, I never took advantage of a 
monomaniac before, but I'm going to take advantage 
of one now. 

MacFarland. All right, sir. (Jerks check-book 
from desk r. and slaps it on r. end of table) 

Brown. (Calmly taking out check-book. He is 
iiozv L. end of table) Ten thousand? 

MacFarland. That's what I said. 

Brown. (Taking fountain pen from vest pocket 
as MacFarland takes Jiis) Two to one? 

MacFarland. (Jerking back chair from table) 
Two to one ! (He drops into chair and begins to 
write check rapidly.^, Brown calmly seats himself 
l. of table) 

Brown. (As he unites check calmly) I am going 
to teach you a lesson, George. 

MacFarland. (Quickly) And I'm going to 
teach you one. (As he blots check by noisily pound- 
ing blotter with fist) — Don't you want to make it 
twenty thousand instead of ten? 

Brown. (As he blots his check carefully) For 
your sake, no ! 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 13 

MacFarland. Never mind me. I can spare it. 

Brown. Very well, then. 

MacFarland. {Eagerly) You'll take it? 

Brown. No, but a friend of mine will. 

IMacFarland. (Rapidly) Who? Get him. 
Quick. Who is he? 

Brown. Arthur Sole. 

MacFarland. Shoeman? 

Brown. Detective. 

MacFarland. Burns or Pinkerton? 

Brown. Neither. He has a company of his own. 

MacFarland. Great ! 

Brown. {Rising) I shall ask him to come right 
over. 

MacFarland. Do ! The sooner he comes, the 
sooner I can get started on my little twelve month 
marathon. 

Brown. (As he crosses to 'phone table) It won't 
be twelve months. 

MacFarland. It won't, eh? 

Brown. (As he picks up 'phone) No. It'll be 
about tvv^enty-four hours. 

MacFarland. (Defiantly, as he takes fresh 
cigar from box c.) Will it! (During the follozv- 
ing, he lights cigar and smokes it) 

Brown. (In 'phone) Plaza 9087 — Yes — (Imita- 
tion) 9087 — if you please — Hello — 9087 Plaza? — 
Mr. Sole, please — Arthur? This is Thornt. A 
friend of mine has a foolish notion lodging in one 
of his brain cells, Art, and I want you to help me 
.G^et it out — Come over and I'll explain — George 
MacFarland's suite at Sherry's — Good-bye. (To 
MacFarland as he hangs up receiver) Pie will be 
right over. 

MacFarland. (Taking out fountain pen again) 
All right! I'll have that ten thousand waiting for 
him, believe me — (Pause, open's check-hook and 
prepares to write second check. Brown, meanwhile, 



14 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

has placed 'phone on table, and during follozvmg, 
crosses to fireplace) 

Brown. George, you have convinced me of one 
thinfj. 

MacFarland. I'm glad of that. What is it? 

BroVvN. Either you need medical attention or 
you are in love. 

MacFarland, I never felt better in my life and 
there isn't a woman in New York I would look at. 

Brown. (LigJiting a cigarette) You talk as if 
you were immune. 

MacFarland. No — No man's immune to falling 
in love, but the woman who annexes my name must 
have brains. 

Brown. You mean a college degree? 

MacFarland. I mean brains-- Sometimes you 
find them with a college degree. (Abandoning his 
aggressiveness and assuming a confidential, though 
still emphatic air. Sits r. of table) What I admire 
in a woman, Thornt — and what my wife must have 
— is the ability to think for herself — she's got to 
have that little something we call life — vivacity, 
alertness — you know. Not this giddiness you see on 
the beaches, or the tee-hee ha-ha of the debutante. 
It has got to be the real article. L-i--f-e and 
B-r-a-i-n-s. 

Brown. You wouldn't know her if you saw her. 

MacFarland. Not at first sight, maybe, but I 
would soon find her out. I have the reputation of 
being a pretty clever man, even if I am called a rich 
idler. But, believe me, Xantippe ! when I pit myself 
against the future Mrs. MacFarland, she is going 
to make me feel about as insignificant as a mosquito 
on the brow of the Goddess of Liberty. If she 
doesn't, she won't be Mrs. MacFarland, that's all. 

Brown. And if she does 

MacFarland. She will be Mrs. MacFarland in 
spite of high-tide or hell. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 15 

[Door-bell rings in a peculiar way.) 

Brown. (Rising) There's Sole now. 

MacFarland. (As William enters from door 
L.) How can you tell? 

Brown. (As William goes to rear door) The 
way he rings. (William opens door at rear and 
stands. Enter Arthur Sole. Sole is a detective — 
tall, slender, stern face, quiet manners. Forty-five. 
Brown salutes him familiarly. William closes 
door behind Sole) Arthur, I want you to meet my 
friend, MacFarland. 

Sole. {Deliberately, to MacFarland as they 
shake hands) Are you the gentleman who has the 
notion lodged under your brain cell? 

Brown. (As MacFarland offers Sole cigar- 
bo.t') Yes, he thinks that every officer of the law in 
the United States is a jelly-fish. 

MacFarland. (To Brown) I didn't say jelly- 
fish — 1 said a soft-shell crab. (To Sole) Have a 
cigar. (To Brown, as Sole takes cigar) See, they 
take anything. 

Sole. (Pledsantly, to MacFarland, as he trims 
cigar) So you think every officer is a soft-shell 
crab? 

MacFarland. Yes, and Fm willing to prove it, 
(He shozvs Sole second check) 

Sole. What is the game? 

MacFarland. I say I can commit a crime and 
escape arrest one year. 

Sole. Without leaving the United States? 

MacFarland. (Business-like) Yes — here's my 
proposition: I will commit a crime. That makes 
me a criminal. I will avoid arrest. That makes me 
a fugitive from justice. You advertise me in the 
Rogues' Gallery as you would advertise any other 
criminal — offer a reward for my capture, do any- 
thing you please. And yet I shall escape arrest one 



i6 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

year. If I don't, you two win. If I do, you two 
lose. Have I made myself clear? 

Sole. {Nodding) Yes, but I am too much of a 
sportsman to take money from the blind. 

MacFarlaxd. I beg your pardon! 

Sole. A true sportsman never bets on a sure 
thing. 

MacFarland. {Quickly and somewhat heatedly) 
So vou think Fm a sure loser, eh? 

Sole. {Laying kis hand friendly on MacFar- 
land's shoulder) My friend, just to prove to you 
that I have abiding confidence in the strong arm of 
the law, I will bet you — What's your bet? 

MacFarland. Ten thousand dollars. 

Sole. I'll bet you twenty thousand dollars even 
money, that if my detectives don't get you, a police- 
man, a town marshal, a sheriff or a deputy sheriff 
will get you. 

MacFarland. The quickest way to prove that is 
to put up your twenty thousand. {Seats himself 
quickly at l. end of table and jerking out check-hook 
and pen, begins to zvrite check) 

(Sole, shaking his head sympathetically, smiles at 
MacFarland and sits r. end of table. As 
Sole sits, MacFarland rises and goes to lozver 
L., thoughtfidly. Brown is at lozver l.) 

Brown. {To MacFarland, ziith formal air, 
as Sole prepares to zvrite check) What crime are 
you going to commit? 

MacFarland. {Solicitously, as he approaches 
Sole) Mr. Sole, for what crime have fewest men 
been shot? 

Sole. {As he zvrites) Forgery. 

MacFarland. Thanks. {To Brown, zvith 
formal air) Gentlemen, the crime will be forgery. 

Brown. {Dryly) Have you ever done it before? 

MacFarland. No, but I know how. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 17 

Brown. What are you going to forge? 

MacFarland. a check. 

Brown. On whom? 

MacFarland. On you. 

Brown. (Bowled over with stir prise) Eh? 

MacFarland. Only a hundred. The City 
National Bank. You deposit there, don't you? 

Brovs^n. Yes, but 

MacFarland. Good! I'll make the check out 
to myself — George E. — (To Sole, zvho is nozv 
listening) What is a good alias? 

Sole. MacGinniss. 

MacFarland. That's it ! George E. MacGinniss 
— Irish patriot. (To Brown. Sole sits and writes) 
I'll make the check for one hundred dollars payable 
to George E. MacGinniss and sign your name to it. 
Then Sole will cash it for me, right here. To- 
morrow mornino- he'll ta.ke it to the City National: 
the Cashier there will compare the signature on the 
check with your signature already registered at the 
bank ; will declare it a forgery, and an hour later 
detectives and officers will be scouring the city for 
George E. MacGinniss — me. Meanwhile, Mac- 
Ginniss, — / — will have begun his little twelve-month 
joy-hike. And the big chase will be on. Do you 
get me? 

Sole. Yes, I get you now and I zvill get you 
later. 

MacFarland. (Sits at ftp-side of table, then to 
Brown) Give me your check-book. 

(Brown does so and goes back of table.) 

Sole. (To Brown, as he begins to write check) 
Are you to be our stake-holder? 
Brown. I suppose so. 

(Sole hands him his check.) 



i8 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

MacFarland. {To Sole, as Brown picks up 
MacFarland's last check) And you're to be our 
stake-holder — Thornt's and mine. 

Sole. All right. 

(Brown hands him his check and MacFarland 
hands him his first check. As Brown and Sole 
place checks in wallets, MacFarland resumes 
his forgery.) 

MacFarland. (To Brown, as he takes Brown's 
check from him as model to forge Brown's najne 
by) YoiL s\7:ar this is your signature? 

Brovvn. I do. (Puts up zvrong hand to szvear by, 
then changes) 

MacFarland. (As he writes the check, copying 
Brown's zvriting closely) Gentlemen, the coming 
year promises to be pleasantly exciting. Something 
doing every minute — new scenery, new faces, new 
experiences. It certainly should be an eventful 
year. 

Sole. (Satirically) It will be. 

MacFarland. For you two gentlemen it will be 
an expensive year. 

Brown. (To Sole) He really thinks he's going 
to win. 

Sole. (Winking at Bvs.o\ni^) Watch him! 

MacFarland. (Handing the forged check to 
Sole) Gentlemen, there's the crime ! Forgery with 
intent to defraud. 

Sole. (Giv^s MacFarland one hundred dollar 
bill) And there's your hundred. (As he takes 
the check, examining it, MacFarland rises) A 
very neat job. 

MacFarland. (Glancing at the check, zvhich 
Brown is also glancing at) You never saw a neater 
job in your life, did you? 

Sole. Don't know that I ever did. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 19 

MacFarland. See ! 

Sole. That is, for an amateur. (As he places 
forged check in pocket-hook, to MacFarland) 
How tall are you? 

MacFarland. Six foot half inch. 

.Sole. Who says so? 

MacFarland. My tailor. 

Sole. {As he takes small silver-plated tape- 
measure from vest pocket) I am afraid your tailor 
flatters you. (He measures MacFarland, deftly, 
with tape — then) I thought so. 

MacFarland. How much? 

Sole. Six feet even. (To Brown, as he hands 
him a note book) Make a note of that. Under 
MacGinniss. Be careful. Accuracy is the secret of 
my success. (During the follozving, Brown seated 
at desk R. registers Sole's statements of measure- 
ments, observations, etc., concerning MacFarland, 
in note-book which Sole takes from inside coat 
pocket and gives to him. To MacFarland) What 
is yoLir specific gravity? 

MacFarland. (Pitzsled) My what? 

Sole. Hovv^ much do you weigh? 

MacFarland. One forty-eight. 

Sole. Stripped ? 

MacFarland. Dressed. 

Sole. (Smiling to Brown) Weight, one hun- 
dred forty-eight gross. (To MacFarland, as he 
measures his head) How old are you? 

MacFarland. Twenty-eight. 

Sole. Open your mouth. (MacFarla.nd does 
so. Sole looks at front teeth much as a horse trader 
looks at horses' teetJi. Then, to Brown) Age, 
twenty-eight years, three months, sixteen days. 
(E.i'amining tape) Girth of head, twenty-two inches 

Brown. To-day? 

MacFarland. It will be larger when I collect 
that thirtv thousand dollars. 



20 BELIEVE AIE, XANTIPPE 

(Sole places tape in vest pocket, then takes out a 
nickel-plated pocket-size incandescent fask- 
lantern.) 

Sole. {To MacFarland) Open your mouth 
again. (jNIacFarland does so. Sole examines it 
zvith lantern) Teeth — second molar, upper left, 
mJssino-. Third molar Q-old filled. Otherwise, teeth 
sound and well swept. (He takes magnifying ten's 
from z'est pocket, zvipes it with handkerchief, tests 
it on hand, then, opening MacFarland's mouth 
again, examines the teeth closely, with lens and 
lantern) He washes his teeth with Hydrogen 
Peroxide and smokes straight Havanas. 

MacFarland. How did you guess? 

Sole. You just gave me one. (Replacing lens 
in pocket, he holds the lantern close to ^^JacFar- 
land's rigJit eye) Eyes — shape, round— size — (He 
takes a small pair of silver plated calipers from 
anotJier vest pocket, adjusts them, then places them 
carefully upon right eye of MacFarland) Size of 
eyes — right eye, diameter five-eighths ; left eye, six- 
eighths. 

MacFarland. Odd sizes. 

Sole. Color — both eyes, baby-blue. Nose 

MacFarland. Don't miss that. 

Sole. Length — (Measuring with calipers, tip to 
base) Total — tip to base, two and three-fourths. 

MacFarland. Feet or inches? 

Sole. Make that inches. Width of nose — base, 
one and two-tenths inch ; bridge, one — butt, one and 
one-half. 

Brown, How much the butt? 

Sole. One and one-half. Shape — a cross be- 
tween a John D. Rockefeller and a Gibson girl 

(MacFarland pats his nose fondly) Hair — color, 
brown. Texture, fine to medium. Parts it on the 
left side. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 21 

MacFarland. Marvelous. 

Sole. (Examining scalp zvith lens and lantern) 
Uses Ed. Pinaud's Florida Water, and tortoise-shell 
comb. (To MacFarland, as he replaces lens in vest 
pocket) May I see one of your photographs? 

MacFarland. Certainly. (As he goes to door) 
You didn't get my temperature. 

Sole. I will when you pay that thirty thousand 
dollars. (Exit MacFarland l. 3. Quietly, to 
Brown) Has he a steady girl? 

Brown. He hasn't any. 

Sole. (Frozvning) That's going to make him a 
hard man to catch. 

Brown. Why? 

Sole. It puts the kibosh on the old reliable love- 
letter post-office trap. (He scratches his head wor- 
riedly) Has he a favorite expression? 

Brown. Yes. 

Sole. Biblical or slang? 

Brown. Slang. 

Sole. What is it? 

Brown. Believe me, Xantippe ! 

Sole. Believe me, Xantippe? 

Brown. Yes. 

Sole. (Who has been keeping an alert ear and 
eye on the l. door) Sh 1 Make a note of it! 
Great ! 

(Re-enter MacFarland zvith an arm-load of photo- 
graphs.) 

MacFarland. (As he dumps photos on table) 
From the cradle to the club. Take yoru" choice. 

Sole. (As he examines photos quickly, compar- 
ing them zvith MacFarland and selecting one) 
1 think I'll take this one. 

MacFarland. Anything else? 

Sole. (Putting photo in pocket) I believe not — 
except perhaps a word of advice. (Pauses) 



22 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



MacFarlaxd. What is it? 
Sole. When yon are arrestecl- 
i^.iAcFAP.LAND. AMiat? 



Sole. I say— when 3'ou are arrested, wire me. If 
you don't, you are liable to wind up in the peni- 
tentiary. 

i\lAcPARLAND. (Quickly) What's that? 

Sole. I s^iy, wire me or you are liable to wiuvd up 
in the penitentiary. 

MacFarland. How ? W^hy ? 

Sole. Because you are a criminal. 

MacFarland. Not really one. 

Sole. Yes, really one. I just cashed your forged 
check. 

MacFarland. But you and Thornt know that — 

Sole. Exactly ! Thornt and I know, but no one 
else knows it and if you should ever try to explain 
it to a jury, the chances are you would get a life 
sentence in the insane asylum instead of ten years in 
Sing Sing. 

MacFarland. (Stroking his face musinnl\, and 
smiling) This is beginning to look like the real 
thing. 

Sole. It will be the real thing if you don't wire 
me the minute you are arrested. Now, if you do 
wire, Thornt and I will fix it up with the proper 
authorities and keep you out of the penitentiary. 

MacFarland. That's very sweet of you and 
Thornt, but I won't wire. 

Brown. (Astonished) Wliy? 

MacFarlaisD. Simply because I'm not going to 
be arrested. 

Sole. (PVith an air of one dismissing the zuhch 
subject) Of course, if that is the way you feci 
about it 

MacFarland. That is the way I feel about it — 
Oh, before it slips my mind ! One point ! 

Sole. What is it? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 23 

MacFarland. It's distinctly understood, isn't it, 
that there's to be absolutely no shooting in this little 
experiment ? 

Sole. There won't be any unless you start it. 

MacFarland. Thanks. I won't start it. 

vSoLE. {Glancing at zvatch) Now you will have 
until nine o'clock to-morrow morning to make your 
getaway. 

MacFareand. I can do it easily. 

Sole. This is October 5th. After nine o'clock to- 
morrow morning you'll be a fugitive from justice 
until nine A. M. October 6th, next year. 

MacFariand. Good ! Shall I send for your 
hats ? 

Brown. (Smiling) We're in no hurry. 

MacFarland. I am. William! 

Sole. {To IMacFarland) Just a moment. 

MacFarland. (To WTlliam, zvho.has entered 
rear i) Just a moment. 

William. Yes, sir. (Exit rear 1) 

Sole. (Confidentially to Mx\cFarland, Brown 
listening close by) If the facts of this foolish little 
experiment were to get out, it might cast some dis- 
credit on my profession. In fact, it would probably 
injure my business. Therefore, I am going to ask 
you to promise me that under all circumstances and 
at all times you will treat the matter with utmost 
secrecy. Will you promise? 

MacFarland. Yes, but upon one condition. 

Sole. What? 

MacFarland. That you and Brown don't ride 
in any aeroplanes or try to swim the East River. 

Sole. What do you mean? 

MacFarland. The way things are hooked up 
now, if anything should happen to you and Brown, 
I would land in the penitentiary. So, for heaven's 
sake, be good little mothers to yourselves, and look 
both ways before crossing a street. Promise? 



24 BELIEVE ME, Xx\NTIPPE 

(^.IacFarland and Sole sJiakc hands.) 

Sole. {To MacFarland) All right. Now 
bring on the hats. 

]MacFarlaxd. William! {Enter William) 
Fetch the gentlemen their hats. 

William. Yes, sir. (Exits) 

Sole. Oh, by the way, ]\IcGinniss 

MacFarland. Eh? 

Sole. During your travels, you might drop us a 
line from to time. 

MacFarland. A picture postal, I suppose 

Scr.E. Yc3 — something like that — just a little 
remeirxb ranee, you know. 

(Rc-cntcr William zcifh hats.) 

MacFarland. With my address on it? That 
would be very nice for you. Do I look like little 
Eva after a hard season? 

Sole. (Taking Jiis hat zdiich William offers to 
him)' The chances are you will the next time I see 
you. 

MacFarland. (To Sole. t7^' Brown takes hat 
from William) Next time you see me. Fll be 
writing a receipt for those thirty thousand dollar 
checks. 

Brown. (As tJiree of them go tozL'ards rear door 
zcJiere William stands) Not in a thousand years ! 

MacFarland. Just one year from to-day. 

Sole. (To ^IacFarland, ph-asantly, as William 
opens rear door) Pleasant journey. Raffles ! 

]\IacFarland. Thank you, ]Mr. FTolmes. 

Brown. (As Sole exits, to ]\IacFarland) And 
many of them. Desperate Desmond! 

^IacFarland. Thank you, Dr. Watson. (Exit 
Brown. AIacFarland goes quickly to desk r.) 
\Mlliam. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 25 

William. Yes, sir. 

MacFarland. Shut the door. (Sits at desk and 
writes rapidly) I am leaving town to-morrow. 

William. Yes, sir. 

MacFarland. I shall be gone a year. 

William. Yes, sir. 

MacFarland. If anyone inquires for me, tell 
them that I am — that I am traveling. 

William. Yes, sir. Where, sir? 

MacFarland. None of your business, William, 
or theirs, either. 

William. Yes, sir. Is that all, sir? 

MacFarland. No, fetch me the latest time-table 
of every railroad in the United States. 

William. Yes, sir. When, sir? 

MacFarland. Now— right now. Hurry. If 
you can't do it alone, get an expressman to help you. 

William. (Hastening to rear d.) Yes, sir. 

(Door hell rings.) 

MacFarland. See who it is. 
William. Yes, sir. (Exits rear d. Returning) 
Mr. Brown and Mr. Sole returning, sir. 

MacFarland. (Surprised) That's strange. 
Show them in. (Exit William rear i. Mac- 
Farland rises, glances at watch, then relights cigar) 

(Re-enter Sole, followed by Brown, rear d. They 
carry their hats.) 

Sole. (Coming dozvn l. and exhibiting photo 
taken from coat pocket) The more I think of this 
photograph, the less I think of it. 

MacFarland. (Now at r. end of table. Sole 
at uh-side. Brown at l. end) What's wrong with 
it? ' 



26 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Sole. Everything. I think I'd better take one 
myself. (Tosses photo on tabic) 

MacFarland. Have you a camera with you? 

Sole. I always have one with me. 

jNIacFarland. (As Sole takes small kodak from 
pocket) You'll bring a rabbit out of yourself in a 
minute. 

vSole. Please put on a coat. 

MacFarland. Certainly. (Starts up tozuards 

L.3) 

Sole. And a vest. 

MacFarland. Yes. I have my trousers on. 
(Goes off. Brovv'n and Sole start to ivhisper. Mac- 
Farland re-entering) Black or wdiite? 

Sole. To match your coat. 

MacFarland. Of course, certainly — to match 
my coat. (Exit l. 3) 

Brov/n. (Brown glances slyly l. 3, then steps 
close to Sole, zvho is adjusting kodak lens) I've 
got an idea. Let's play a little joke on him. We'll 
lock the doors and keep him here till morning. 

(Sole glances cautiously at l. 3.) 

Sole. (Sotto voce, to Brown) I've got a better 
scheme than that. 

(Brown glances l. 3.) 

Brown. (Curious, and anxious, in whisper) 
What is it? 

(Sole and Brown now stand at up-side of table 
zvith their hacks to L. 3. They are close to- 
gether. Sole glances at l. 3. Brown glances 
there, then Sole begins to speak.) 

Sole. (To Brown, sotto voce) I'll have my 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 27 

men watch this house all night. When MacFarland 
— MacGinniss — comes out of the house, my men will 
shadow him until the clock strikes nine, then they'll 
nab our foxy friend before he starts. 

Brown. Great ! 

Sole. Sh! (He glances at h. 2,, then) Waiting! 

MacFarland. (Off l.) All right, coming! 
(Enters l. 3, in act of putting on coat) 

Sole. (As MacFarland comes dozvn, buttoning 
tip vest) May I use this tray for my flash-light? 

MacFarland. Certainly. 

Sole. (As he places flash-light cartridge, taken 
from pocket, on tray, to Brown) Get ready to turn 
out the lights. 

MacFarland. (To Sole, ds he fingers Sole's 
hat, on l. end of table, as Brown goes up c.) Shall 
I wear a hat? 

Sole. No. 

MacFarland. (Picking up hat from table) 
Nice hat. Where'd you get it? 

Sole. At the hat store. 

MacFarland. Very well. Just as you say. 
(Holds Sole's hat behind him) 

Sole. (Finding MacFarland in lens) Chin up, 
please. Head erect. That's it. 

MacFarland. Is this for the Rogues' Gallery? 

Sole. (Satirically) Yes. Just look natural. 
(To Brown, now near rear d.) All right. Turn 
them out. (Brown turns off lights, leaving the 
room in absolute darkness. Exit MacFarland, 
quickly but quietly l. 3. Closes door softly. Sole 
touches end of flash-light fuse with lighted cigar. 
Explosion, flash — then) Turn on the lights. 

Brown. (Obeying) All right. 

Sole. (Still looking into the finding lens of 
camera) That's all, thanks. 

(Dramatic pause.) 



28 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Brown. (Surprised) Where is he? 

(Sole glances ct where MacFarland was. then 

sin lies.) 

vSoLE. (Dryly, as he shoz'cs kodak into pocket) 
He's playing a joke on us. (Glancing at l. 3) 
Come out of that bedroom, MacGinniss. (Pause. 
Sole starts to:.'ard l. 3. Indicating rear d. To 
Browx) Stand at that door while I shoo him out 
from under the bed. 

(Brown skips to rear door. Exit Sole l. 3, laugh- 
ing. Pause. Brown stands zvith back to door, 
rear, eyes riveted on l. 3.) 

Brown. Find him? (Pause) Find him. Art? 
(Pause) Hey! (Sole appears in l. 3 dooi'wav) 
Find him? 

Sole. (Entering, much perplexed) No. 

Brown. (Anxiously, as Sole inspects Z'jindozi's, 
rear l.) \Vhere is he? 

Sole. [luipetuously) How do I know^^ 

Brown. (Somewhat hotly) You ought to know ; 
you're a detective. (Loudly, hands to mouth like a 
megaphone) William! William! William! 

Sole. Now don't get excited. 

Brown. I'm not excited. (Telephone rings. 
Brown jumps straight up, as if shot, then dashes to 
'phone, seizes it and places receiver to ear. Ex- 
citedly, in 'phone) Hello! — Yes — Yes — (Dumb- 
founded) Say, where in thunder are you? — Hello, 
hello, hello, hello ! 

Sole. (Matter-of-fact, as he comes dozvn l.) 
Who is it ? 

Brown. (To Sole) G-e-o-r-g-e ! 

Sole. (Surprised) What? 

Brown. George! MacFarland! MacGinniss ! 

Sole. (Quickly and eagerly) Where is he? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 29 

Brown. Where are you? 

Sole. Well — well — well ! Where ? — 

Brown. Pie says — find out ! 

Sole. You bet I'll find out. (Trying to find hat. 
Brown jams rece'wcr in hook and hangs 'phone on 
desk) Do you know what that son-of-a-giin did? 

Brown. What? 

Sole. He stole my hat ! ! 

{They are dashing out of room, rear door, as cur- 
tain falls.) 

Curtain 



30 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



ACT II 

Scene : The interior of a small deserted cabin in the 
Rocky Mountains. Tzvo entrances — Rear c, 
a door leading outdoors, l. 3, a door leading to 
another room. To l. of rear d., a zmndow 
covered zvith boards. In upper r. corner of 
room, an old hand-made cupboard zvith door on 
hinges. Old stone fireplace, r. 2. Heavy, home- 
made table, lozver center. H ome-made chairs 
to R. and L. of table. Box for zvash-stand, near 
zvindozv. On box, a tin zvash-basin and zvater 
bucket. Dipper in bucket but not much zi'ater. 
Against l. zvall, and belozv l. d., a rustic bed- 
stead, made of saplings nailed together. It has 
rope springs and is covered zvith pine boughs. 
Upon the lozver end of bedstead, a canvas 
covered camp-bed, rolled up and tied zvith rope. 
It is the regulation cozvpuncher's bed — but 
rather narrozv, same zvidth as the bedstead. 

Time : Late afternoon, September 30^/1, of the next 
year. 

Rear d. c. is open revealing a landscape of 
oak brush, aspen and pine covered mountains 
in all the splendor of an auitimnal sunset. 

At rise: Pause. Buck Kamman enters rear d. c. 
Kamman is a big, bronze-skinned man of fifty. 
Sandy moustache. Wears corduroy clothes, 
riding boots and a large Stetson '' sheriff's " 
hat. Wears leather holster and belt under coat. 
He goes to the table, examining the cylinder of 
his Colts. He glances at his zimtch. 

Kamman. (Glancing l. 3) Dolly! 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 31 

Dolly. (0# l. 3) Yes? 

Kamman. Pack up your duds. 

Dolly. (In doorzvay l. c) What for? (She is 
a pretty, vivacious girl of nineteen, clad in a neat 
buckskin skirt and leggins and a blue flannel shirt) 

Kamman. We are going home. 

Dolly. {Coming to him) Not yet, pa. 

Kamman. Right now. 

Dolly. (Shaking her head prettily) Wait until 
I get a deer. 

Kamman. A sheriil is a sheriff, Dolly. 

Dolly. I know it, pa, but 

Kamman. The Fall Term of the District Court 
beo-ins to-morrow. We must s:et home to-ni9"ht. 

Dolly. I am going to stay until I get a deer. 
(She turns from him) 

Kamman. Now look here, Dolly, you are not 
going to stay up here alone. 

Dolly. (Facing him) Why not? 

Kamman. It isn't safe. 

Dolly. What's there to be afraid of? Bears, 
cowboys, and hunters. I can shoot the bears, feed 
the cowboys and — (She takes his hand in hers) 
There's nothing to be afraid of, pa. 

Kamman. I tell you, Dolly, you never can tell 
what is going to turn up in these mountains — especi- 
ally in the hunting season. 

Dolly. That's exactly why I want to stay. May- 
be I'll get a bear. 

Kamman. If there's any bears to be shot in the 
Kamman family, 77/ shoot them. Come on. 

Dolly. Please let me stay, pa. 

Kamman. It isn't safe. 

Dolly. It's perfectly safe and you know it. 
There is absolutely no danger. And even if there 
was, haven't I a brand-new rifle? Don't I know 
how to ride? 

Kamman. I won't argue with you. We're going 



12 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

home. Come on. (Going to camp-bed) I'll pack 
your bed for you. 

Dolly. (Going to him) Why can't we stay just 
one more day? 

Kamman. I tell you a sheriff is a sheriff. He is 
hired to hunt men, not deer. {Standing bed on 
end) For all we know, I may be wanted at the 
other end of the county this very minute, so pack 
up your duds. (Shoulders the bed) 

Dolly. (Calmly, as Kamman starts towards 
door zvith bed) No use of your taking that bed 
out. (Kamman faces her) I am going to stay 
even if I have to sleep on the floor. 

Kamman. (Severely) Dolly! (She does not 
reply. He drops bed and goes to her) — Now, look 
here, Dolly ! 

Dolly. Pa, I am going to get a deer and that 
is all there is to it. (Crosses r.) 

Kamman. You can get one later on. 

Dolly. The season closes to-morrow night. 
(Turns her back on hitn) 

Kamman. (Significantly, over her shoulder) I 
knovv^ the game-warden. 

Dolly. (Facing him) But I want to get a deer 
in the open season. I want to be able to haul him 
down Main Street on my pack horse. And when 
his head is mounted and up in my room I want to 
be able to point to it with a clear conscience and 
say — (Extending her hands and pleading with a 
smile) Don't take me home, pa. Please don't. 
(Kamman frowns. Dolly infers that he is weak- 
ening) It may be the last deer hunt I will ever 
take. 

Kamman. (Gruffly) I reckon not. 

Dolly. You can't tell, pa. When Aunt Martha 
sends me off to that girl's school in New England — ■ 
(Turning from him) You never can tell what is 
going to happen to a girl after you send her away to 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 33 

colle.^e. (Glancing over her shoulder at him) I 
might get married. (Kamman is scratching his 
chin. Dolly faces him) Don't take me home. 
(Dolly takes his hand in her own) Can't I stay 
just one more day? Please. I want to. Can't I? 
(She looks up into his face smiling) Can't I? 
There isn't any danger. You know that. Can't I 
stay ? 

Kamman. {Completely out-generaled) Yes, 
hang it all, stay a week if you want to. {He starts 
tip abruptly) 

Dolly. Goody. 

Kx\mman. {Severely, facing her, rear c.) But 
mind you, see that your Molly mare is well hobbled 
and your guns loaded. 

(Dolly skips to l. 3.) 

Dolly. {At l. 3) Wait a minute. I v/ill go a 
piece with you. {Exit Dolly l. 3) 

(Kamman stands in doorzvay, rear c, a moment 
looking out. The purple hue of night is en- 
veloping the mountains. Presently he goes to 
the cupboard.) 

Kamman. Got enough grub? 

Dolly. (Off l. 3) Tons of it. 

Kamman. {Opening cupboard door) Got 
enough candles? 

Dolly. {Off) Yes. 

Kamman. {Coming down zvith candle, which is 
in wooden block) I will put one here on the table 
for you. 

Dolly. {Re-entering) All right. {She wears 
a dark leather jacket, riding hat and is putting on 
buckskin gauntlets) 

Kamman. Better light it, I guess. {Starts to 
strike match on trouser leg) 



34 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. (Coming doitm to him) I will light it 
when I get back. 

Kamman. Guess that would be better. {Blows 
out match. Dolly starts toward rear door) Just 
a minute, Dolly. 

Dolly. {Coming dozzm to him) What is 
it? 

Kamman. {Placing his hand on her shoulder) 
Dolly, this is the first time there's ever been occasion 
for it, but — listen: when you're alone in these hills 
you're alone. Chances are, nobody's near to help 
you. So if anyone gets fresh v/ith you, shoot. 
Chirccs are thf:y won't get fresh. Most men are 
gentlemen. But if anyone does get fresh, shoot, 
and shoot to hit. Don't ask any questions. We'll 
attend to that at the inquest. Let me see your gun, 
{She hands Jiim her revolver. He examines it care- 
fully) All right. {As he returns it to her) Now, 
don't forget what I tell you. Shoot. And don't be 
slow about it. 

Dolly. {Buttoning jacket) I won't. {Crosses 

R.) 

(Kamman replaces camp-bed on foot of bed zvhere 
he found it. Then — ) 

Kamman. {Going to Dolly at table) Now, 
I don't want to frighten you, Dolly, but some 
of the boys say Simp Calloway is in these parts 
again. 

Dolly. Who ? 

KA]\rMAN. Simp Calloway, a fellow who's wanted 
for shooting a sheep-herder in a poker game in this 
county and stealing a trottin' horse in Utah. If 
you see him, come right straight home and tell me. 
Understand ? 

Dolly. What does Simp look like? 

Kamman. He's a medium-sized, wiry cuss with 
black hair and a scar on his left cheek. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 35 

Dolly. (Eyes 'shut) And he's fond of poker? 

EIamman. Yes. 

Dolly. (Opening eyes) I have him. 

Kamman. Now, mind what I tell yoii: Simp 
Calloway is wanted and he's wanted badly. I don't 
think there's one chance in a million that you will 
see him, — if I did, I wouldn't let you stay up here 
one minute, — but if you do see him, you ride straight 
home and tell me. Understand? 

Dolly. Yes. 

Kamman. All right. Come on. (He starts up, 
Dolly follo^mng) If you don't come home to- 
morrow, I'll send Wrenn out after you. 

Dolly. I will, tho. I will have a deer by 
to-morrow. (They exit, Dolly closing door 
rear c.) 

(Room is nozv dark. Marked pause. A coyote 
hozvls off rear. Pause. Coyote howls again. 
Presently a man knocks at the door. He knocks 
again and after a pause, again. Then the door 
opens.) 

^.IacFarland, (In doorzvay) Anybody home? 
(Tired polite) Does anybody live here? (He 
strikes a match and holds it above his head. It is 
MacFarland, alias MacGinniss. He wears a 
badly torn hunter's uniform, heavy zvalking hoots, 
a four days' qrozvth of heard and a huiitinn belt 
containing Colts in holster on one side and a large 
knife in holster on the other. Between than are 
cartridges. He looks tired and hungry, and he walks 
that zvay. In his right hand he carries a big Win- 
che'ster rifle, .38.70 calibre. He glances around the 
room until the match, burnt short, burns his fingers. 
Strikes another snatch, comes dozvn to table and 
lights the candle. Returning to rear door, he closes 
it. Espying l. 3 ajar, he goes to it and raps) 



36 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Anybody home? {Takes drink from water btickef, 
then bangs dipper on. zvalL Loudly) Anybody 
home? (Then taking a small badger from coat 
pocket, he returns to table upon zuhich he lays it. 
Taking watch from vest pocket, he glances at it, 
rubs his stoniash and sighs. Replacing watch, Ju 
shakes his head, lays rifle on table and sinks, ex- 
hausted, into chair r. Drawing his Colts — an iin~ 
usually large one — from his holster, he gases at it) 
You've blistered my hip enough for one day, you 
thirteen inch Krupps ! (Lays Colts on table. Tak- 
ing pipe from coat pocket he frisks himself for 
tobacco. His disappointment upon discovering that 
is has ben lost, is zvhimsically ludicrous. With a 
sigh of complete exhaustion, he removes hat, tosses 
it on Colts, picks up the badger, strokes it tenderly a 
few minutes, then) Would to God I were feeding 
you peanuts in dear old Central Park i I'm hungry 
enough to eat you raw. (Lie gazes meditatively at 
the animal several moments then, tossing it upon the 
table, rises and goes to the fireplace, lies flat on 
stomach in front of it and blows the ashes. When 
his blowing has reached vigorous proportions, Dolly 
enters quietly rear i. Closing the door noiselessly, 
she smiles at the blowing stranger. MacFarland 
with a violent puff, unaware of Dolly's presence) 
Burn, damn vou ! 

Dolly. (Shocked) I beg your pardon. 

(MacFarland flops over on his back and, support- 
ing himself on his hands, behind him, stares at 
her.) 

MacFarland. Wh — where did you come from? 
Dolly. (At up end of table) Where did you? 
MacFarland. From the top of the mountain. 
Dolly. When ? 
MacFarland. (Rising) Early this morninjr. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 37 

Dolly. Are you a hunter? 

I\1acFarlakd. {Smiling) I am hunting. 

Dolly. Deer? 

MacFarland. (Bravely) Bear. 

Dolly. Do you call that a bear? 

MacFarland. That's a squirrel. 

Dolly. In Colorado we call that a badger. 

MacFarland. In Central Park we call it a 
squirrel. (She smile's at him as the veteran smiles 
at the tenderfoot) Is your father in? 

Dolly. Father's out. 

MacFarland. (r. of table) Is your mother 
in? 

Dolly. I have no mother. 

MacFarland. (Picking up his rifle) Very well, 
then. (Laying his hand on his hat) I shall be 
going. 

Dolly. (Frankly sincere) You needn't mind. 

MacFarland. (Piiszled) What? 

Dolly. I said, "Aren't you hungry?" (He 
studies her face, then smiles. Dolly severely) If 
not, I guess you had better be moving on. (She 
gazes at him sharply. For several moments they 
study one another. Presently MacFarland smiles 
boyishly) 

MacFarland. Let's cook the squirrel. (Dolly's 
eyes drop. She begins to pet the squirrel. They 
nozv stand at opposite sides of the table. He 
to r. and slie to l. She gazes at the squirrel. He 
gazes at her. Pre'sently he too begins to pet the 
sauirrel. The silence grows embarrassing) Nice 
"^Squirrel," isn't it? 

Dolly. Nice and fat. 

MacFarland. (Proudly) I killed it. 
Dolly. (Glancing at him-, reproachfully) 
Couldn't you find anything else to kill? 

I^JacFa'rland. It was the only thing that stood 



38 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

still loner enoua'h. There are two things I can't do 
— ride a horse, and shoot straight. I am a nervous 
marksman. 

Dolly. {Smiling at his greenness) Did you ever 
see a deer? {She glances at liim) 

MacFarland. {Petting the squirrel, hut his eyes 
on Dolly) Not until this season. 

Dolly. (Quickly) Where was it? 

]\IacFarland. Here. 

Dolly. Where? (MacFarland glances at her, 
then L. 3, thc}i at rear door c. He is noticeably em- 
barrassed) Where? 

MacFarland. (With ludicrous abruptness) 
Shall I skin the squirrel? 

Dolly. (Drolly) Do you think you could? 

MacFarland. (Confidently) Of course I can. 
I shot him. (Whipping out hunting knife, he feels 
its edge deftly, picks up the badger, examines 
the badger azvkzvardly to find a place to begin to 
skin it. Finally, as if inspired) Oh, yes, you have 
to singe it first. (Goes to fireplace and holds badger 
over fi.re. Exit Dolly l. 4. laughing to herself. 
Discovering, a fezv minutes later, that he is alone 
MacFarland returns to table, spreads handker- 
chief and lays badger on it. Then, removing coot, 
and rolling up sleeves, he zvhcts the knife a couple 
of tim^s on the edge of the table and tries to cut' 
the animal's limbs preparatory to skinning it. He 
never skinned anything before and his actions show 
it. In his effort to get the skin started, he pulls off 
the animal's tail, stretches its body tzuice its normal 
length and cuts Jiis fingers. Finally, in a supreme 
effort to start the skin by sheer force, he jerks vt 
so violently that the Jiead of the animal slips from 
his grasp, causing the whole thing to hit him. Ex- 
asperated, he rushes to rear d., opens it, flings the 
badger out. He slams door and goes to basin and 
washes hands) 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 39 

(Re-enter Dolly, she is again in her blue waist.) 

Dolly. (As she rolls up her sleeves) Did you 
slam the door? 

MacFarland. I closed it. 

Dolly. (Approaching him) Vv^here is it? 

MacFarland, The squirrel? 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. We will have him for breakfast. 

(Dolly looks at him puzzled.) 

Dolly. What? 

MacFarland. He begged to be allowed to see 
the sun rise once as^ain. 

Dolly. (Still puzzled) Did you throw that 
badger away? 

MacFarland. I deposited him gently upon the 
landscape. 

Dolly. Are you almost thru with the wash 
basin ? 

MacFarland. (Politely) Just this minute. 
{Facing her) May I please have something to dry 
my hands on? 

Dolly. (Going towards him) The back of the 
door. (MacFarland goes to door c, finds no 
towel. Then wipes his hands on door) No ! The 
other door. 

MacFarland. (Seeing towel on hack of cup- 
board door) Oh, this door. (He dries hands. 
Dolly picks up zuash basin, and starts to door c.) 
Let me empty that for you. (Emptying it off rear 
d., he returns with it to stand, fills it with water 
and, as Dolly approaches, he offers her the soap) 

Dolly. (Naively, as she accepts the soap) Did 
you ever go to boarding school? 

MacFarland. (Drying his hands on gunny- 
sack) Not exactly. Why? 



40 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. {Lathering her hands) You are so 
polite. 

MacFarland. Thank you. 

Dolly. (Rinsing her hands) You are from the 
city, aren't you? 

MacFarland, (Apprehensive, but trying to con- 
ceal it) What city? 

Dolly. Denver. 

MacFarland. (Smiling, and relieved) Hardly. 

Dolly, (xis she dries her hands on sack) I 
know you are from some city. 

MacFarland. How can you tell? 

Dolly, (.ils LiacFarland dries hands on other 
end of sack) You are neither bashful nor fresh. 

MacFarland. Thank you. (Dolly goes to cup- 
board, takes a tin basin therefrom, MacFarland 
zvafches her admiringly. Still drying his hands) 

Dolly. (Filling basin with water) Were you 
ever in Boston? 

MacFarland. Yes. 

Dolly. Often? 

MacFarland. Not any oftener than absolutely 
necessary. Why ? 

Dolly. (Placing basin on table) My Aunt 
Martha insists that I shall go there to college. 

MacFarland. Don't you want to? 

Dolly. No, I want to go to New York City. 

MacFarland. (Going tozvards table) I don't 
blame you. (Idealistic ally) Oh, I don't blame you ! 

(Dolly is nozv at r. side of table. MacFarland 
is at up side.) 

Dolly. (Idealistically, facing front) New York 
must be the grandest city in the world ! (Pause. 
Dolly 'seems to be dreaming. MacFarland seems 
to be dreaming too) 

MacFarland. (Smiling idealistically) It is. 
Believe me, Xantippe, it is! 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 41 

(Dolly's jaw drops. Her expression of dreaminess 
instantly gives zvay to one of surprise. Site 
ga^es bezvildered front a moment, then, turn- 
ing abruptly to MacFarland, si::es him np at a 
glance, then:) 

Dolly. {Tactfully) Will you please put some 
twigs on the fire? (MacFarland is puzzled) It 
is turning colder. 

MacFarland. Certainly. Where are they? 

Dolly. In the twig box. (As he goes toward 
fireplace, Dolly jerks out her Colts and covers him. 
Emphatically arid quickly, hut calmly. As Mac- 
Farland picks up piece of wood) MacGinniss. 
(MacFarland drops the zvood, zvheels about end 
faces her) Throw up your hands ! Drop thnt 
knife! {He obeys) Kick it over here! (He obeys) 
Empty your pockets! (He obeys. A fezv r'fe 
cartridges, match-case, pipe and toothbrush falling 
to the floor) Take off your coat! (He obeys. She 
goes to him) Put it on the table! (He obeys) 
Pick up that rubbish ! (He drops on his knees and 
begins to slozdy pick up the contents of his pockcis) 
Hurry! (He hurries) Put it on the mantelpiece. 
(He obeys, zvalking sidezvays and keeping eyes 
riveted on Dolly. Is afraid she will shoot. S'l' 
indicates chair r. of table) Sit down. If you move 
from that chair, I'll shoot you. 

MacFarland. (Swallozmng zvith difficulty) I — 
I won't bat an eye. (Dolly takes rifle and coat 
to l. 3, desposits them inside, goes up to cup- 
board, opens it and takes out a tin basin. Mac- 
Farland is afraid to look at her) What are you 
doing — ^getting a rope to hang me with? 

Dolly. Potatoes. 

MacFarland. Potatoes ? 

Dolly. (Putting potatoes from sack into pa:i) 
I'm going to get supper and you're going to help 



42 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

me. {Puts potato-knife in pan and brings pan down 
to MacFarland) Peel. 

MacFarland. {Mystified accepting the pan) 
Who are you anyhow? 

Dolly. It doesn't matter who I am; your name 
is MacGinniss. You are wanted in New York City 
for forgery. Peel ! 

(MacFarland picks up potato knife and a potato 
as if to peel it, then pauses and looks at Dolly.) 

MacFarland. Why do you think I am the man? 

Dolly. Your picture has been in my father's 
Rogue's Gallery almost a year. A man of your 
height, build, and complexion, whose favorite ex- 
pression is " BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE ". 

MacFarland. {Disgusted zvith himself, dropping 
knife) Damn! 

Dolly. You are the man. There is a reward of 
five thousand dollars for you, and I am going to 
get it — Peel ! 

MacFarland. {Peeling slowly) There must be 
some mistake. 

Dolly, There is not. 

MacFarland. But 

Dolly, Peel ! {Shoves gun almost into his face) 

MacFarland. Gladly. {He peels very rapidly, 
whittling potato into strips) 

Dolly. {Examining coffee pot, zvhich is on 
mantel) Do you like coffee? 

MacFarland. Not for dinner. 

Dolly. This is supper. {Crosses to water 
bucket) 

MacFarland. Excuse me. {He glances at her. 
Her back is to him, she is filling coffee pot from-, 
water bucket, l. c. rear. Slipping his hand beneath 
his hat, MacFarland drazvs Colts from beneath it 
and lays gun in his lap, behind the basin. M.^c- 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 43 

Farland examines a potato curiously) I beg your 
pardon, but is this potato spoiled? (Dolly glances 
at him) It looks as if something was wrong with 
one of its eyes. 

(Dolly goes to hint, on l. side of table. He hands 
her potato with left hand.) 

Dolly. {Examining potato) Nonsense! Noth- 
ing's the matter with — {As she examines it, he 
prodtices gun from his lap, quietly resting the end 
of the barrel upon the edge of table) 

MacFarland. Now just who are you? 

Dolly. {Pointedly) Never mind — {He raises 
gun, she sees it) Oh! 

(MacFarland springs to his feet, bdsin of potatoes 
falling to the floor.) 

MacFarland. {Covering her, he is so frightened 
that the gun shakes like a leaf) Throw up your 
hands ! {He seizes gun zvith hath hands to hold it 
steady) Sit down! (Dolly obeys frightenedly. 
MacFarland takes her gun from its holster) If 
you move from that chair — I'll shoot. {Shoves her 
gun into his pocket, then kneels and picks up potatoes 
quickly, puts them, in basin and hands basin to her) 
Peel. {She takes basin and begins peeling) Now 
just who are you anyway? 

Dolly. {Peeling nervously rapid) They — they 
call me Dolly. {Stops peeling) 

MacFarland. Dolly what? Peel, peel. 

Dolly. Dolly Kamman. 

MacFarland. {Suspiciously) Is your father 
sheriff of this county? (Dolly glances at him as if 
frightened, starts to rise, falls back in her chair,; 
limply, her hands falling to her side, her head for- 
zvard, the pan falling to the floor. MacFarland 



44 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

fr'jhtened) What's the matter? (Rushing around 
bark to her side) Miss Dolly! {Chafing her hands 
vigorously) Dolly! Good Lord, Tve frightened 
til:; life out of her. {A fezu mordents elapse. She 
sc :ns to have fainted completely) 

Dolly. (Faintly) Water^Water. (Mac- 
Fi.'vLAND rushes to water bucket. Dolly raises her 
head, smiles zvisely at MacFarland's back, then 
fcirjns stupor again. Rushing back to her zvith 
dipper of zvater, MacFarland holds it to her lips. 
Si:e seems to be only semi-conscious. Sips a few 
sip 7 then, sitting up, gazes about dazedly) 

2\IacFarlakd. What happened? Are vou bet- 
ter? 

Dolly. (Stupidly, gazing blankly straight ahead) 
L-I want to go to bed. I want to go to bed. 
(iirozving somewhat hysterical. Don't overdo it) 
"L ave me ! Leave me — I vv^ant to go to bed ! 

MacFarland. (Somewhat surprised, to him- 
self) Oh, she wants to go to bed! (MacFarland 
st.-.rts tozvard rear r. Dolly smiles triumphantly. 
Exit MacFarland rear door. Dolly is glancing 
ccutiously at rear door, zvhen — re-enter MacFar- 
l/ nd. Just inside doorzvay) I beg your pardon, 
A • ss Kamnian, but could you lend me a blanket 
fcr the night? (She glances at him) I can't start 
home until morning and it is growing colder all the 
ti ;'ie. (Closes door) 

Dolly. (Indicating l. 3 e.) You can sleep in 
th re if you want to. 

MacFarland. Where would you sleep? 

Dolly. (Indicating camp-bed) There. 

MacFarland. (After thinking it over a mo- 
ir.'^nt)- Thank you, but I do not believe that I can 
ac ;ept your hospitality. (Opens door) 

Dolly. Why not? 

MacFarland. It wouldn't be very — discreet. 

Dolly. This is not New York City. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 45 

]\IacFarland. That is why I hesitate. 
Dolly. (Pause) I don't understand you — I said 
you could sleep in that room. I'll sleep in this room. 

(MacFarland closes door and starts down l.) 

MacFarland. Yes, but suppose, just about the 
time I got well located for the night, your father 
should pop in. 

Dolly. Father won't pop in. He has gone to 
town to stay. 

MacFarland. Well, a friend or a neighbor, then. 

Dolly. There isn't a friend or a neighbor within 
twenty miles of here. 

MacFarland. Do you mean to tell me that you 
are going to be absolutely alone all night ? 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. Is that the truth? 

Dolly. Yes, unless 

MacFarland. Unless what? 

Dolly. Unless you — stay. (MacFarland cjases 
at her a moment, then goes abruptly l. 3. Dolly 
watches him, p^izzled, expectant, doubting. Arrived 
at L. 3 he stops, meditates) What are you going 
to do? 

MacFarland. I am going to stay. {He glances 
at her a moment, then goes abruptly rear D. and 
locks door. Dolly at soiind of the locking, clenches 
her hands. She is frightened but controls herself. 
Dolly rises and steps to dozvn end of table, gazing 
straight ahead, eyes half closed schcmingly. Mac- 
Farland contemplates her a fezv moments, admir- 
ingly, piizzledly, puts key in pocket, then comes 
down to her pen^sively. Over her shoulder, gently, — - 
he thinks she is absolutely straight but is going to be 
sure of it. He is a gentleman throughout the act) 
Dolly — {A trifle closer and smiling) Dolly — {He 
lays his hand gently on her shoulder, Dolly looks 



46 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

at him quickly and with savage defiance like a little 
tigress at bay. MacFarland removes his hand 
from her shoulder. He is convinced that she is the 
girl he thought she was) I beg your pardon. I 
simply wanted to be sure you were the nice little 
girl I thought you were. You are. Good-night. 
Dolly. Good-night. 

(MacFarland goes quickly to rear d., unlocks it, 
then goes to l. 3.) 

MacFarland. (^^ l. 3) I shall put you on 
your honor not to run away. 

Dolly. Thank you. 

]^>1acFarland. Pleasant dreams. Nighty nighty. 
{Exit MacFarland l. 3, closing door) 

(Dolly glances at door, pauses a moment, then goes 
quickly to her camp-bed, untie's the ropes and 
unrolls it. Turning back the down side lap 
of the bed cover, she thrusts her arm between 
the blankets and pulls out a small 22 Winchester 
repeating rifle, cocks it and lays it on the bed. 
She then crosses to table, picks up candle, 
places it on the mantelpiece, blows it out, and 
crosses to bed quietly.) 

Dolly. {Excitedly from the bed) Oh! — 
{Frightened) Oh! — {Hysterically) Mr. Mac- 
Ginniss ! Mr. Ginniss ! Mr. Ginniss 

MacFarland. {Rushing in from l. 3) What's 
the matter? Snakes in your bed? 

Dolly. Get a match — quick ! Quick ! Quick ! 

MacFarland. Where are they? Where are 
they? 

Dolly. On the mantelpiece. Quick 1 Quick ! 

{In rushing to mantelpiece, MacFarland falls over 

a chair.) 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 47 

MacFarland. Hang it! (Throws chair up- 
stage ) 

Dolly. Hurry ! 

(MacFarland at mantelpiece, strikes match. In 
his haste, he strikes too hard. Match lights but 
breaks.) 

MacFarland. Confound it ! (He lights another 
match) 

Dolly. Do hurry! Light the candle! (Mac- 
Farland R. of table, lights the candle. He is so 
occupied zvith lighting it that he does not look at 
Dolly tmtil she speaks to him. The lighted candle 
reveals her standing beside the bed zuith the 22 
rifle levelled at MacFarland. Politely) Thank 
you very much. 

MacFarland. (Completely flabbergasted) Well, 
I'll be — (Holds flame in front of his heart. Smil- 
ing) Shoot! 

Dolly. Sit down. (MacFarland sits in chair, 
at R. of table) Where is my gun? 

MacFarland. In father's room. (He rises and 
starts toward l. 3) 

Dolly. Sit down ! 

MacFarland. I am going to get it for you. 

Dolly. Sit down ! 

MacFarland. (After sitting in chair at L. of 
table) I suppose you will take me to jail now. 

Dolly. Twenty-five miles in the dark, on horse 
back, with you? I guess not. 

MacFarland. I never rode a horse in my life. 
What next? 

Dolly. Go to bed. 

MacFarland. Gladly! (Jumps up and starts 
rapidly toward l. 3) 

Dolly. (Emphatically, indicating camp-bed) 
This bed. 



48 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

MacFarland. (Petulant, after halting. He is 
now near l. 3) Say, you are disturbing my plans 
for the evening. (Comes dozvn l.) 

Dolly. Hurry ! 

MacFarland. Just as you say. (He begins to 
itnhiickle belt — as if to undress) 

Dolly. Roll in as you are. (He glances at her. 
She raises gun to threatening level) 

MacFarland. (Wincing at sight of gun) All 
right, if you are going to get fussy about it. 
(Opening the end of the bed, he sqrinns into it. 
Dolly sits in chair l. of table, MacFarland rest- 
ing on elhozv, zvatching Dolly. Pause, then — ) 
Are you sure you know who I am? 

Dolly. Go to sleep. 

MacFarland. Are you sure of it? 

Dolly. I tell you your picture has been in my 
father's Rogue's gallery for over eleven months. I 
have looked at it every day. 

MacFarland. (Surprised and pleased) You 
have looked at my picture every day for eleven 
months ? 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. You must have taken a fancy to 
me from the start. 

Dolly. I look at all of them. 

MacFarland. (Squelched) Oh! (Turns over 
and faces wall. Feigns sleep. Presently, without 
looking at her) Did you ever catch anyone before? 

Dolly. No one like you. 

(MacFarland grozvs big eyed — with pride and 
wonderment. He sits up.) 

MacFarland. (Looking at her — smiling) Just 
what do you mean " No one like you ? " 

Dolly. (Pointing gun at him, emphaticaly) Go 
to sleep. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 49 

(AIacFarland drops as if shot, turns over qtiickly 
and faces zvall. Comedy business, killing fly on 
zvall, whistling to himself, etc., then — ) 

MacFarland. {Facing zvall) I won't go to 
sleep. You can make me go to bed but you can't 
make me go to sleep. (Turns over on back, comedy 
business zvith feet, ^spreading them apart and bring- 
ing them together, gasing up at ceiling, indignant 
but helpless) The idea! You, a little bit of a girl 
making a great big man like me go to bed with his 
clothes on. It isn't right! There's nothing in the 
Constitution that says a girl can put a man to bed 
simply because he looks like somebody else. I won't 
go to sleep. {Sitting up) I am going to sit right 
here and watch you all night. 

Dolly. Very well. You may. 

{Marked pause. MacFarland rivets his eyes on 
DoLLY^s face. Dolly, indifferent to his gaze, 
assumes the youthful carefree expression of 
the early part of the act. Marked pause. 
MacFarland toys zvith bed cover, glances at 
Dolly, other comedy business. Presently he 
levels his finger at her, arms length and 
threateningly.) 

MacFarland. {With the subdued emotion of a 
terrible threat) Dolly Kamman, if you don't get 
out of this room within the next ten seconds, I will 
kiss you. (Dolly remains perfectly calm, eyes fixed 
on him. He counts slozvly) One — two — three — 
four — five — I'm not afraid of your old gun — five — 
six — seven! {Throzvs back bed covers) eight — 
(Sits on edge of bed) eight — and a half — nine — 
{Rises. Dolly calmly cocks the rifle. MacFar- 
land hesitates. Dolly levels the rifle at him) 

Dolly. {Slozvly) One — (MacFarland sits on 



50 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

edge of bed, his eyes on Dolly) Two — (He gets 
into bed) Three — (He covers himself with bed 
covers, pulls them up to chin) Four — {He covers 
his head zvith covers. Dolly stands the rifle against 
the table) Five — (He squirms down) Six — {He 
humps himtself like a snail) Seven — {The snail 
shifts position, its head now being down-stage) 
Eight — {His head protrudes beneath cover. He 
gasps for breath) Nine — {He grimaces zvith fear) 

MacFarland. {Plaintively) Don't shoot! For 
God's sake, don't shoot ! 

Dolly. Then go to sleep. 

MacFarland. Gladly! {The head disappears. 
The snail flattens out) 

Dolly. {Pledsantly, as she picks up rifle) Good- 
night, Mr. MacGinniss. Pleasant dreams to you. 

(MacFarland waves his hand to her. Nothing but 
the hand can be seen. Rest of body is com- 
pletely covered zvith bed cover. Dolly goes to 
L. D. opens it, looks at the covered prisoner, 
then closes door, to make him think she has 
left the room. Slight pause, then MacFar- 
land peeps slowly out from head of bed and, 
unconscious of Dolly's presence, gradually 
pushes the bed covers off himself and crazvls 
out of bed. As he starts tozvard table he espies 
Dolly zvhose gun is leveled at him. Madly he 
scrambles back into bed and jerks the covers 
over his head. Dolly exits l. 3, leaves rifle 
there and returns zvith her own revolver. She 
examines chambers to see that they are still 
loaded, then places gun in holster and, glancing 
frequently at the sleeping MacFarland 
throughout it all, replenishes the fire, puts on 
coffee pot, adds coffee from coffee can taken 
from cupboard and starts down to pick up the 
potatoes. As she is picking them up, her back 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 51 

to rear d. the door opens slowly and noise- 
lessly, revealing Simp Calloway. Simp is a 
mean-looking desperado. Wears faded blue 
riding jumper and overalls, old leather schapps 
Mexican spurs or Mexican boots, and a large 
black Mountaineer's felt hat. Has a week's 
growth of beard. He glances about the room 
warily, then scrutinizes Dolly several mo- 
ments. She is picking up potatoes and is un- 
azvare of his presence until he speaks.) 

Simp. (With a slozv drazvl — standing inside door- 
way, hand on door) Beg pardon, but 

(Dolly glances at him, recognizes him and drops 
pan, startled.) 

Dolly. {Startled) Oh! {Rises quickly. Mac- 
Farland sits up) 

Simp. Didn't go to scare you. 

Dolly. {Laughing nervously) That's all right. 
You — you startled me, that's all. {To MacFar- 
LAND, emphatically) Lie down ! (Simp's hand goes 
to his gun. This is the first time he has .seen AIac- 
Farland. MacFarlnd obeys, resting on his side 
and elbozv and watching them during follozving: 
Dolly hospitably to Simp) Come on in. 

Simp. N' thanks — jist dropped in to borrow 
a couple of matches. 

Dolly. Certainly. {She goes up to the cup- 
board. Throughout the follozving. Simp keeps his 
eyes on MacFarland and Dolly and his hand on 
his hip, near his gun) 

Simp. {As Dolly is getting matches at cup- 
board) Is your husband sick? 

Dolly. {Going to him with box of matches) 
No. 

Simp. Hurt? 



52 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. No, tired. {She hands him matches) 

Simp. {Putting rnatcJics in jtunpcr pocket with 
left hand) How much for the matches? 

Dolly. Nothing. {Sympathetically) Aren't you 
hur.,<:;ry? 

I\1acFarland. I am. 

Dolly. {Looks at MacFarlaxd) Lie down. 

Simp. {To Dolly) Do you Hve here? {Lights 
cigarette, striking match on inside of left arm) 

Dolly. No, sir. We are hunting. 

Simp. {Grinning. He thinks them tenderfeet) 
Easterners, eh? 

Dolly. Mr. MacGinniss is. {Quickly and very 
pleasantly) Won't you have just a cup of coffee 
with us? And some hot biscuits? — and some 
squirrel ? 

Simp. {Grinning, pleased at prospect) Reckon 
I Vvill. {He comes in, closing door after him) 

Dolly. W^on't you sit down? 

Simp. {Back against door) N', thanks. {He 
keeps furtive eye on l. 3) 

Dolly. You had better let me take your hat, 
then. 

Simp. N', thanks. 

Dolly. {Smiling) Supper won't be ready for 
quite a while. 

Simp. N' hurry. 

(Dolly goes to fire. Simp watches her clo'sely.) 

Dolly. {Looking into coffee pot) You might 
as well be resting. 

Simp. N', thanks. {Glancing l. 3) You two 
alone ? 

Dolly. {Replenishing the fire) Yes, sir. {She 
goes down to table and picks up the basin of 
potatoes. As she, goes up, smiling persuasively) 
Won't you please sit down? 

Simp. {Satisfied that it is safe) Reckon I will. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 53 

(As he goes tozvards table, Simp glances at rear door 
significantly, and halts) Fetch it to me. 

Dolly. \Blankl\) What? 

Simp. {Indicating chair) The chair. I hurt my 
foot the other day. 

Dolly. (Obligingly) Certainly. (She takes 

chair to him) 

Simp. Thanks. (Places it against door and sits. 
Dolly goes to zvater bucket) Been havin' any luck 
huntin' ? 

Dolly. (Drolly but significantly) No, but I 
think I shall get a couple of bucks before the season 
closes. 

Simp. One apiece, eh? 

Dolly. (Puzzled) How do you mean? 

Simp. You and your husband. 

Dolly. Maybe. (Pause) Do you think I'll get 
them ? 

Simp. No, I don't think you will. 

Dolly. (Smiling) We'll see. (Approaches 
Simp, bucket in hand) You will have to excuse me 
a moment. 

MacFarland. (Jumping up) Let me get the 
water ! 

(Instantly Simp is on his feet, hand near to gun, 
zvatches MacFarland.) 

Dolly. (To MacFarland) Lie down ! (Mac- 
Farland obeys. To Simp) If you please. (Simp 
picks up chair zvith left hand. Dolly opens the door 
and exits. Simp zvatches her closely. MacFarland 
rises. Simp closes door and places chair against it. 
MacFarland gets out of bed and stretches himself. 
Dolly knocks on door. MacFarland sits on edge 
of bed, fearfully. Dolly knocks on door. Simp 
picks up the chair zvith left hand. Dolly re-enters. 
As she looks at MacFarland he ducks back into 



54 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

hed, and pulls covers up to his chin. Dolly 
pleasantly to Simp) You play poker, don't you? 

Simp. Why? 

Dolly. Mr. MacGinniss is a dreadfully poor 
plaA^er. I want you to teach him the fine points 
of the game. (Setting the bucket on the chair. 
Dolly skips to the cupboard and takers a deck of 
cards therefrom. As she returns to Simp zvho has 
been watching her curiously) They say you 
Westerners know more about cards than anyone 
in the world. {Smiling as she hands him the pack) 
You will teach him, won't you? 

Simp. {With a contemptible drazvl as if despising 
anyone zvho can not play poker) Sure! {Accepts 
the cards. Dolly exits, bucket in hand. Simp 
closes the door, places the chair against it, and puts 
cards in jumper pocket. MacFarland throzvs 
covers back and sits up the moment Simp closes 
door. Simp, sitting) Where you from. Partner? 

MacFarland. New — {Catching self, suspects 
Simp) From the East. 

Simp. {Taking sack of tobacco and cigarette.: 
papers from jumper pocket) Must have some purty 
nice women folk back there. 

MacFarland. Yes, but they aren't as fine as your 
Colorado girls. If they wxre, I would have married 
long ago. 

Simp. {Surprised) Ain't this woman your 
wife? 

MacFarland. Not yet, but — {Smiles hopefully, 
rises and crosses r.) 

Simp. {Rolling cigarette) I see! {Grinning 
as he crimps end of cigarette) I see. {As Simp 
lights the cigarette, MacFarland nozv at r. of table, 
ga^cs at him puzzle dly) 

MacFarland. What ? 

Simp. {Rising and pulling up schapps, and grin- 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 55 

ning) Then I guess she's just about as much mine 
as she is yourn. 

MacFarland. (Quickly) What do you mean? 

Simp. (Going towards him) You know what I 
mean. 

MacFarland. I do not. 

Simp. (Nozv at l. side of table) You brought 
her up here, but if you keep her you've got to prove 
yourself a better man than me. 

MacFarland. (At side of table) What the 
devil are you driving at? 

Simp. (Grinning) Have you got a gun? 

MacFarland. No. 

Simp. Then we'll play for her. 

MacFarland. We will not ! 

Simp. (Mildly emphatic, but with an oily smile) 
I say we will. Sit down. 

MacFarland. I tell you 

Simp. Sit down. (Jerks out gun. MacFarland 
sits. Then oily) I said we'd play for the girl, 
(MacFarland rises, Simp shoves gun at him) Sit 
down! (MacFarland obeys doggedly. Simp 
''^;'tosses him the pack of cards) Shuffle! (Keeping 
his eyes constantly on MacFarland, Simp goes 
to rear d. He picks up chair which has been against 
door, starts down tozvards table again) 

MacFarland. (As Simp comes down) Now 
look here, this little ^irl is absolutely all right. 

Simp. I said shuffle. And I mean it, too. (Simp 
nozv at R. side of table, glares at MacFarland. 
MacFarland picks up cards, shuffles them. Simp 
puts gun in holster. MacFarland puts cards in 
front of Simp. Simp cuts them. MacFarland 
picks them up and begins dealing them one at a 
time, alternately. As he is dealing them, the rear 
door opens quietly and Dolly enters. Her revolver 
is leveled at Simp. Neither he nor MacFarland 
see Dolly) 



56 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. {Calmly, from inside doorzvay) Simp! 
(Simp springs to his feet and grabs for his gun. 
Dramatically emphatic) Don't touch it! Don't 
touch it! (Simp's hands drop at his side) Throw 
up your hands. 

{With a powerful hloiv, Simp ^szveeps the candle 
from the table, extinguishing it. The men 
scuffle, upsetting chairs and table.) 

MacFakland. {As they scuffle) Don't shoot, 
Dolly ! Don't shoot ! 

{The fight continues a few moments, then Simp 
suddenly cries out with pain.) 

Simp. Stop ! ! Stop ! ! For God's sake, stop ! ! 

MacFarland. Kneel ! Miss Dolly ! 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. Light the gas. 

Dolly. Gas? Who ever heard of gas up here! 
{She rushes to the cupboard, and a motnent later, 
strikes a match and lights a candle taken from cup- 
board. As she comes down with candle, the men 
are revealed somezvhat to r. of c. MacFarland is 
sitting on Simp's back, with one of Simp's thumbs 
in each of his hands. Dolly, revolver in one hand, 
candle in other, goes to them. In amazement — to 
MacFarland) How in the world did you ever do 
it? 

MacFarland. Jiu Jitz. 

Dolly. " Juie " him some more till I find his 
gun. 

Simp. Who is that little devil? 

MacFarland. Dolly Kamman. 

Simp. Not Buck Kamman's kid? 

MacFarland. Yes. Is he a friend of yours? 

Simp. Not by a damn sight ! {Struggles to get 
loose) Let me go ! 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 57 

Dolly. Simp, where's your gun? 

MacFarland. What did you do with it? 
Answer her. 

Simp. You knocked it out of my hand. It's on 
the floor. 

MacFarland. {To Dolly) Look under the 
table. 

(Dolly goes to table, zvhich is nozv on its side, and, 
among the legs, finds Simp's gun.) 

Dolly. I have it. 

MacFarland. (To Simp, as Dolly shoves his 
gun into her ozvn holster) Stand up or I'll break 
vour thumbs ! 

Simp. (Getting up, MacFarland pulling him) 
I'll get you for this ! 

MacFarland. I've got you first! (To Dolly) 
Tie his hands. Miss Dolly. (Dolly picks up one 
of the bed ropes and ties Simp's wrists together, 
behind his back) That's the stuff! 

Dolly. Now put him to bed. 

MacFarland. (To Simp, triumphantly) Now 
you go to bed. (Throzvs him into bed and juinps 
on top of him) 

Dolly. (Giving MacFarland another rope) 
Tie his feet, Mr. MacGinniss. 

(Simp kicks zvildly.) 

MacFarland. If he kicks me, shoot him. 

(Simp stops kicking and MacFarland ties his 
ankles together.) 

Dolly. (To MacFarland, ds he rises from his 
task) Thank you very much, Mr. MacGinniss. 

MacFarland. (Smiling) The pleastire is all 
mine. Now I shall help you guard him. 



58 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. (Pleasantly) You shall go back to bed. 

MacFarland. (Dumb founded) What? 

Dolly. (Pleasantly commandatory) Go back 
to bed. 

MacFarland. (Indicating Simp) With himf 

Dolly. (With admiration) Mr. MacGinniss, 
you are a brave man, and I am deeply grateful for 
what you have done, but you are a fugitive from 
justice and it is my duty to take you to jail. 

(At "Fugitive from Justice'', Simp rolls over on 
side and stares at MacFarland, in amaze- 
ment.) 

MacFarland. Do you visit your papa's jail 
often ? 

Dolly. No, but I could. 

MacFarland. Will you? 

Dolly. Perhaps, but until you are in my father's 
jail — back to bed. 

MacFarland. (Humbly but pleasantly) Yes, 
ma'am. (To Simp, savagely, as he crawls into bed) 
Get over ! 

Dolly, (Leaning against edge of table) Well, I 
said I'd get a couple of bucks before the season 
closed. 

Curtain 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 59 



ACT III 

Scene: Two days later. Sheriff Kamman's office 
in the Cotm'ty Jail Building, Delta, Colorado. 
Morning. It is an untidy room. Roughly 
furnished and seldom swept. 

Rear zvall c. A heavy black iron door with 
bolt, lock and white painted sign: ''No Admit- 
tance." When this door is opened the interior 
of the cell room can be 'seen. To r. of door, 
a black bulletin board upon zvhich are tacked 
several " Lost strayed or stolen " and '' Re- 
ward " bulletins. In the c. of the board, and 
well spaced from the other notices, is an un- 
usually large and boldly printed circular read- 
ing: 

" $5,000 Reward ! ! ! ! 
For the Capture of George MacGinniss. 

Description 



To L. of door a large clothes cabinet with 
double doors. It serves the dual purpose of 
clothes closet and arsenal. Contains rifles, 
shot guns, hand-cuffs, etc. 

Right zvall: r. 4. a door opening upon the 
street. On its exterior side in large black letters 
is painted " County Jail " . In smaller letters 
beneath that: ''Sheriff's Office '\ r. 2, a 
window with iron bars. Against the zvall, be- 



6o BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

tween window and door an old, faded, black 
haircloth couch. Above the couch hangs a large 
map of Colorado. It is hung crooked. 

Left wall: A large map of the United States. 
It, too, hangs crooked. Rear corner, a medium- 
sized square iron safe upon the top of zvhich is 
a stack of old record books untidly arranged. 

Lozver c. an old flat top desk, letter littered, 
zvith a telephone upon it, a pivot chair behind 
it and a zvillozv zuaste-basket to r. of it. An 
old spittoon to l. of it. The zvalls and floor of 
the room are painted a lead gray. 

The room is discovered empty, both doors 
closed. 

Enter Wrenn the Jailer, singing '' Little 
Fishes in the Brook.'' Wrenn is lazy but good- 
natured. Wears old black trousers, and a black 
sateen shirt open at the throat. Big officer's 
star on breast. 

Wrenn is carrying an empty glass tumbler. 
He enters rear d. c, closes cell room door, 
comes dozvn to desk, opens upper drazver, takes 
a whiskey flask therefrom, holds flask up, 
admires its contents, pours some zvhiskey into 
the tumbler, replaces flask in desk and closes 
the drazver. 

Enter Dolly, r. d. She zvears dark skirt, 
light waist and is bareheaded. Very pretty 
and buoyant. As she enters — 

Dolly. {Jovially and buoyantly and zvith likable 
familiarity) Hello, Wrenn. 

Wrenn. {Jovially as Dolly closes door) Hello, 
Dol]y. 

Dolly. {Eagerly) How is my prisoner? 

Wrenn. Which one? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 6i 

Dolly. MacGinniss, of course. 

Wrenn. Stiff and sore. 

Dolly. (Quickly and anxiously) He isn't sick, 
is he? 

Wrenn. No, but he says he wishes he was dead. 

Dolly. (Astonished) What? 

Wrenn. He says, he wished you'd hit him back 
of the ear with a club and hauled him into town 
on a pack horse. 

Dolly. W^hy? 

Wrenn. He has blisters on his feet as big as 
flapjacks. (Chuckles) 

Dolly. I offered to let him ride Molly part of the 
way. 

Wrenn. He was telling me about it. 

Dolly. What did he say ? 

Wrenn. He said it was a case of getting blistered 
either way — riding or walking. (Chuckles) 

Dolly. It's no laughing matter. If it hadn't been 
for him I could never have gotten Simp Calloway 
down here alive. (Indicating tiunhler from wliicn 
Wrenn has been sipping) Is that for Mr. Mac- 
Ginniss ? 

Wrenn. (Conteinplating remainder of contents) 
Well, it 7vas for him. 

Dolly. I'll take it to him. 

Wrenn. No. I've had strict orders from your 
father not to let no one see the prisoners. 

Dolly. Give it to me. 

Wrenn. But your father said 

(Dolly takes tumbler from him, then — ) 

Dolly. Give me the key to his cell. 
W^renn. No, Dolly, I've had strict orders from 
your father not to let no one see the prisoners. 
Dolly. Whose prisoners are they, anyhow? 

Wrenn. But your father said 

Dolly. Give me that kev. 



62 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

\Vrenn. ( Remonsfratk'cly) But your father 
said, — Dolly your father said 

Dolly. (After stamping her foot emphatically) 
I said, give me that key. 

Wrenn. (As he reluctantly places key on desk) 
There she is, but if you take her you take her at 
your own risk, 

Dolly. (Pleasantly as she picks up the key) 
Th'ink you. 

Wrenn. That lets me out. 

(Dolly goes to rear d. with key and tumbler.) 

Dolly. (At rear d.) Has father heard from 
the New York officers yet? 

Wrenn. Nope. (As Dolly exits rear d.) Now 
remember, you're doing that at your own risk. If 
anything happens 

(Exit Dolly rear door, closing it behind herself. 
Enter Kamman r. d. He is fresh shaven, zvears 
n, clean suit of light green corduroy, well oiled 
hoots zvith tops under trousers' legs, and a new 
Stetson hat. In one hand carries a box of 
cigars and in the other a telegram.) 

Kamman. (Jubilantly) He's the man, Wrenn. 
(Coming to desk) Listen to this: — (Reading tele- 
gram) " Hold MacGinniss. Am sending officers 
with extradition papers. Arthur Sole. New York 
City." (Slapping Wrenn on back) Now tell me 
my Dolly girl isn't a hero ! 

Wrenn. (Examining telegram) I always said 
the people of this here County should have elected 
her Sheriff instead of her Dad. 

Kamman. (Offering box of cigars to Wrenn) 
Have one on Dolly. (Wrenn takes one) Take a 
handful. 

Wrenn. (As he takes several) No, one's 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 63 

enough ; one's enough. {Pocketing cigars) Thank 
you, Buck. 

Kamman. {Pocketing telegram') Thank Dolly. 
{He puts box of cigars in upper drazver of desk and 
taking another telegram from pocket frozvns at it) 
But here is a telegram that does put the blind bridles 
on me. (He rests his foot on bottom of pivot chair 
and reads:) " Handle MacGinniss tenderly. Give 
him three square meals, plenty of sleep and lots of 
exercise." 

Wrenn. {Biting off end of cigar) That is a 
heller. 

Kamman. And listen to this: "Deprive him of 
none of the luxuries of life. Signed Arthur Sole ". 

Wrenn. A blue-blooded crook, eh? 

Kamman. Looks that way — {As he pockets tele- 
gram) Well, give him anything he wants, Wrenn. 
New York's paying for it. 

Wrenn. Suppose he asks for a bucket of 
champagne ? 

Kamman. Wire to Denver and get it. But say, 
Wrenn, doesn't it strike you kind of queer that this 
New Yorker and Simp Calloway were feeding on 
the same range at the same time? 

Wrenn. No, no. They're pals. Working to- 
gether. For all we know, maybe they had some- 
thing framed up on the bank right here in tov/n. 
You know, vSimp is supposed to have had a hand in 
that bank robbery over near Salt Lake City. 

Kamman. I guess we'll keep a pretty close eye 
on that New Yorker even if he is blue-blooded. 
{He winks wisely at Wrenn and picks up telegram) 

Wrenn. {Goes up c.) I'll hobble him right now. 

Kamman. (In telephone as Wrenn starts up) 
Number 12, please. (Glancing up) Wrenn. (In 
'phone as Wrenn comes down r.) Try it again, 
please. {To Wrenn) Would you call preserved 
peaches and custard pie luxuries? 



64 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Wrenn. I sure would. 

Kamman. I'm 'phoning Martha to bring some 
down to MacGinniss. (In 'phone) Not in? — all 
right. {To Wrenn as he hangs up receiver) 
Wrenn, I laid awake all last night thinking of some 
way to show Dolly how much I appreciate the pluck 
she showed in landing this man MacGinniss, and do 
you know what I've decided to do ? 

Wrenn. Buy her a six-shooter? 

Kamman. I've decided to make her a deputy 
sheriff. 

Wrenn. Great. {They shake hands) 

Kamman. On my way down here this morning 
I dropped into Charley Frazier's store and told him 
to send down the best roll-top desk he had in the 
shebang. {Strutting l., hands behind hack) It's a 
dinger, too, a little fellow with lots of cubbyholes 
and a green felt blotting pad and a little oak chair. 
{Returning r.') I'm going to put it over there where 
the lounge is. Come on, let's toss this old incubator 
out of the jail right now. {They cross to the conch 
and pick it up. Kamman at the dozvn end and 
Wrenn in shirt sleeves at up end, zvhen — Enter 
Martha r. 4. She is a zvell-built zvoman of forty 
and zvears a calico honse-dress and a calico sun 
bonnet) Hello, Martha. I just 'phoned up to you. 

{They lift lounge.) 

Martha. {Alarmed) What has happened ? 

Kamman. Nothing, I just wanted you to send 
down some luxuries to MacGinniss. 

Martha. {Gravely going to desk) Is Dorothy 
here ? 

Kamman. Not yet. 

Martha. That disturbs me. 

Kamman. {Halting) Why? 

Martha. {Worried) She said she was coming 
down to administer to her prisoners. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 65 

Kamman. She probably went to the post-cfiice 

first. 

Martha. Possibly. But when she comes, please 
do not let her talk to the prisoners. 

Kamman. (Resting his end of the couch on the 
floor) I have already given Wrenn strict orders 
not to let anyone see the prisoners in my absence. 

(Wrenn holds his end of couch.) 

Martha. That was very thoughtful of you, 
Bertram. (Kamman picks up end of couch) You 
know, girls at Dorothy's age are inclined to be a bit 
romantic. 

Kamman. Not Dolly. (Puts down his end of 
couch) She's a deputy sheriff now. 

(Wrenn gets angry but holds on to his end of 

couch.) 

Martha. (Going towards him) I do not wish 
to be severe with the child — (Kamman picks up 
couch) But if sister Belle were living 

(Kamman rests couch on floor. Wrenn drops it 
and sits on couch disgusted.) 

Kamman. (His hand gently on Martha^s 
shoulder) I understand, Martha. I won't let her 
see the prisoners. I've told Wrenn not to let any- 
one see them and he always obeys my orders. 

Wrenn. (Greatly agitated and trying to get 
Buck off the subject) Give me a light. Buck. 

(Kamman hands him his cigar. Enter Dolly 

rear d.) 

Martha. (Shocked) Dorothy! 



66 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. (Merrily) Hello, everybody. 

Kamman. (Severely going tozuard her) What 
are you doing in there? 

Dolly. (Closing door) Watering my five- 
thousand dollar prisoner. 

Martha. (To Kamman) There you are! 

Kamman. (To Wrenn) I thought I gave you 
strict orders not to 

Wrenn. (To Dolly) See! 

Dolly. (Prettily independent to Kamman) He's 
my prisoner. If I want to feed him I am going to 
feed him. If I want to talk to him I am going to 
talk to him. (Shaking finger playfully severe at 
him) And I am going to do it when I please — where 
I please — and if you don't like it 

('Phone rings.) 

Kamman. (At 'phone, Dolly to r. of him) 
Hello — Yes, this is Buck Kamman. (Excited) 
What ? — The bank at Grand Junction ? — Headed this 
way? — You bet your life I'll chase them. (Hangs 
up receiver) 

Dolly. (At his side, intensely interested) 
What's happened? 

Kamman. The bank at Grand Junction was held 
up not fifteen minutes ago. Three masked men shot 
the cashier, held up the clerks and got away with 
twenty thousand dollars. (He rushes to cabinet) 

Dolly. Really ? 

Kamman. (Taking his Colts belt from cabinet) 
Thone for Monk ! 

Dolly. (In 'phone) 24 please. And hurry ! 

Wrenn. (To Kamman) Is there anything I 
can do, Buck? 

Kamman. (To Wrenn, as he puts on spurs) 
Put a ball and chain on MacGinniss. 

Wrenn. Put she is, Buck. (He pushes couch 
back where it was) 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 67 

Martha. {To Kamman zvho is putting on an old 
coat) Do be careful, Bertram. 

Dolly. (T,i 'phone) For heaven's sake, hurry! 

Martha. (Her hand on Kamman's shoulder) 
Don't get shot if you can help it, Bertram. (Enter 
MacFarland, rear i. Martha screams. Dolly 
startled, drops the receiver. Wrenn and Kamman 
instantly cover MacFarland zvith Colts) 

MacFarland. (Calmly, zvith palms upraised to 
Kamman and Wrenn) Don't slioot, don't shoot. 
I'm not going to run away. (To Kamman) What 
are the prospects of getting into communication with 
a real good cigar? 

Dolly. Bright. 

Martha. (Shocked) Dorothy! (Dolly goes 
quickly to her father, frisks his vest, takes a cigar 
and starts tozvard MacFarland. Martha abo2it to 
intercede) Dorothy! 

Dolly. (To Martha) They were made to 
smoke. (She gives it to MacFarland) 

MacFarland. (Taking cigar and hozvlng) I 
thank you. (To Wrenn, going tozvard him) Match 
please. (Wrenn hacks azvay from him. Dolly 
goes to her father. He Jiands her a match. She 
lights it on her father's gun and hands it to Mac- 
Farland. MacFarland accepting it) I thank you. 
(To Kamman, as he calmly lights cigar) Going 
some place, Sheriff? 

Martha. Your comrades in crime have robbed 
a bank. 

MacFarland. Not my comrades. I'm an Elk. 
(To Kamman, genially) Don't you want a nice, 
bright young man to help you. Sheriff ? 

Kamman. (Handing Dolly rifle from cabinet) 
Watch him. (To Wrenn, zvarningly) Come on! 
Maybe Simp is out, too. (Kamman rushes off rear) 

Wrenn. (Follozving him) Come on, she is. 
Buck. (Exits rear) 



68 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

MacFarland. (To Dolly) You are looking 
very nice this morning. 

Martha. (Severely) Are you attempting to 
make bold with my niece ? 

ivIacFarland. I am not. (He hastens tozvard 
Dolly) 

M'^artha. Stop ! 

(Dolly covers him zvith rifle. He puts his hand to 
pistol pocket.) 

Dolly. Throw up your hands. 

MacFarland. (Holding up cell key zvhich he 
has taken from pocket) The key. (Dolly lozvers 
rifle. He goes to her) You left it in the lock of 
my cell. 

Martha. (Shocked) Dorothy! 

MacFarland. (Pleasantly) Don't do it again. 
If some one else had found it, it might have em- 
barrassed you. (Ptits key on end of Dolly's rifle) 

Dolly. (Deeply grateful) Thank you ! Oh, how 
I thank you ! 

Kamman. (Re-entering rear door) Get back 
to your cell. 

MacFarland. (To Kamman) Just a moment. 
(To Dolly, as she slips the key into the pocket of 
her zvaist) Did you send those telegrams to New 
York for me last evening? 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. (Anxiously) Sure you didn't 
make any mistake? Arthur Sole and Thornton 
Brown ? 

Dolly. Yes — Thornton Brown and Arthur Sole. 

MacFarland. Good! (To Dolly) You know 
they're my best friends and they said if I ever got 
arrested to 

Kamman. (Stepping betzveen MacFarland and 
Dolly) Get back to your cell. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 69 

MacFarland. {To Kamman) Can't you see 
that you are interrupting a very pleasant conversa- 
tion ? 

Kamman. Shut up ! 

MacFarland. I am shut up. {Starting toward 
rear d. escorted by Kamman) Say, what right 
have you to try to make me stop talking? There's 
nothing in the Constitution that says you can make 
a man shut up, even if he is in jail. {Exits rear d. 
follozved by Kamman) 

Martha. {Severely) Dorothy Kamman, were 
you in that man's cell? (Dolly, as though not 
hearing her, takes key from pocket and ga.zes be- 
zvilderedly at it) Answer me! Were you in his 
cell? 

Dolly. Partly. 

Martha. {Shocked) Oh! 

Dolly. I handed him some water — and a s^lass. 
(Picks up the telephone receiver. In 'phone — ) 
Hello — haven't you got the livery stable yet? — 
Hurry — Hello, Gord — Send Monk down to the jail 
right away — Don't stop to feed him — And, Gord, if 
any of the hoys are there send them right down on 
fresh horses — Grand Junction's been held up — {As 
she hangs up receiver, Martha crosses to her and 
lays her hand gently on Dolly's shoidder) 

Martha. I trust this has taught you a lesson. 
(Dolly does not seem to hear her. Her mind is on 
the key) You must not think that simply because 
you fortunately captured two disreputable thieves 
3''0u are a grov/n woman. That bold New Yorker 
is no gentleman and I am pained to see you 

Dolly. {Absent-mindedly but emphatic) Go 
to bed ! 

Martha. Dorothy ! 

Dolly. {Kindly) Oh, I didn't mean to say that. 
Please go home. 

Martha. {In mellozving voice which stimulates 



70 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

genuine sympathy) You forget that I am your 
Aunt. 

Dolly. (Gently faking Martha's hand in her 
ozvn) No I don't, but when we are ourselves again 
wc will talk it over, calmly. (Dolly kisses her) 

Martka. That is better, much better. (]\Iartha 
kisses Dolly, and exits, R. 3) 

(Dolly gases at key and crosses to desk l. c. 
Re-enter Kamman, rear d. frowning per- 
plexedly.) 

Kamman. (Coming dozvn to desk zvhcre Dolly 
nozv stands) How did that man get out? (Dolly 
hands him the key) Did you give him this? 

Dolly. (Fingering lock of rifle zvhich lies on 
desk) I handed him a glass of water, and left it in 
the lock. 

Kamman. (Astonished at her carelessness) 
What? 

Dolly. That is why he came out. He was afraid 
someone else might find it there and embarrass me. 

Kamman. Did he say that ? 

Dolly. Yes. (Kamman scratches his chin 
pensively) Father, that man is no criminal. 

Kamman. (Quickly) What do you mean? 

Dolly. I mean he is not the criminal we think 
he is. 

Kamman. (Close to her) Now don't get senti- 
mental, Dolly. You pulled off something pretty 
good when you caught those two outlaws single- 
handed. Now don't up and spoil it. 

Dolly. (With simple sincerity, looking up into 
his face) I know what I know. 

Kamman. What do you know? 

Dolly. (Solemnly) I know that that man is a 
man. (Kamman pnts his hand to her forehead^ 
then picks up 'phone) I 'phoned for Monk. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 71 

Kamman. I'm going to 'phone for a doctor. 

Dolly. {Puzded) What for? 

Kamman. The nervous strain of the past three 
days is getting the best of you. 

boLLY. Nonsense ! (Takes 'phone from him and 
sets it on desk) 

Wrenn. (Re-entering rear d. Marveling at 
MacFarland's nerve in asking such a question) 
Say, what do you know about that? (Chuckles) 

k A M M A N . What ? 

Wrenn. (Crossing toward couch) MacGinniss 
wants to know if he can go out walking this after- 
noon? (Sits on couch and laughs) 

Kamman. (To Wrenn) Take that key. I'm 
going after those bank robbers and I don't want 
anything else on my mind. Dolly, I have a little 
surprise for vou. 

Dolly. What? 

Kamman. Just to show how much I appreciate 
that little trick you turned the other night, I've 
made you a deputy sheriff. 

(Dolly springs at his neck, clasps her arms about 
it and hugs him.) 

(Kamman kisses her many times. Horses' hoofs 
are heard off r. They approach rapidly. 
Wrenn hastens to r. 2 window.) 

Kamman. Is it Monk? 

Wrenn. Yes, and a bunch of the boys. 

Kamman. (To Dolly, surprised, pleased) Did 
you tell them to come down? 

Dolly. Yes. 

Wrenn. (As Kamman kisses Dolly again) 
She's learning fast. Buck. 

Kamman. (Proudly) She doesn't have to 
learn ; she knows already. 



y2 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

(Dolly khses him and he goes to r. d. quickly.') 

Kamman. {At R. D.) Now whatever you do, 
don't let anybody in; and for heaven's sake, don't 
let anybody out. Good-bye. {Exiting, off r. as 
Dolly foUozved by Wrenn hastens to r. 4) Hello, 
bovs ! Something doing ! 

Cov/BOYS. {Off right) Whoop-ee ! 

{The sound of many hoofs riding azvay. Dolly 
zvaves her handkerchief at the departing horse- 
men. Wrenn zvaves his blue bandana. They 
zvave until the sound of hoofs dies azvay.) 

Wrenn. {As they go dozvn tozjuards desk) 
Dolly, have you any idea how MacGinniss got out 
of his cell? 

Dolly. {Mysteriously) I shouldn't be a bit 
surprised. {Beckons him to her) 

Wrenn. {In bated breath) How? 

Dolly. He walked out. 

Wrenn. {Furious) This is no joking matter! 

Dolly. {Tidying the desk) Do you think a 
deputy sheriff would joke with a jailer? 

Wrenn. {At r. end of desk) Now don't get 
fresh, Dolly. 

Dolly. {Face to face zinth him, hands clenched) 
You may be several pounds heavier than I am, 
Wrenn Wrigley, but remember, in the absence of 
my father, I am sheriff. 

Wrenn. If you were a kid of mine, Dolly Kam- 
man, I would spank you good. 

Dolly. {Shaking her forefinger at him) I will 
give you just one minute to apologize. {Marked 
pause) 

Wrenn. {Fusses, then extending his hand and 
smiling broadly) I apologize. Ice cream or sodie 
water ? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 73 

Dolly. (As they shake hands) Do you reully 
think Mr. MacGinniss is a bad man? 

Wrenn. I know it. 

Dolly. How do you know it? 

Wrenn. Your father heard from the New 
York officers. (Looking about desk for telegrams) 
Got two telegrams. 

Dolly. What did they say? 

Wrenn. (Looking in waste-basket) The first 
one said " He's the hoss, hold him. (Wrenn 
examines the contents of basket) The other said, 
'' Give him a good bed, and feed him lots of oats, 
and give him lots of currying." 

Dolly. (Crosses r. to windozv) They don't 
talk that way in New York City. 

Wrenn. (Crosses l. of desk) No, but that's 
what they meant. They called it the luxuries of 
life. I guess your father took them telegrams 
with him. 

Dolly. There must be some mistake. Mr. Mac- 
Ginniss is too much of a oentlemian to be a criminal. 

Wrenn. (Smiling) Oh, shucks ! How many 
criminals have you know'd? 

Dolly. (After short pause) Fetch him out. 

Wrenn. (Loudly) Your father said 

Dolly. Fetch him out ! 

Wrenn. (More quietly) But your father 
said 

Dolly. Fetch him out! I waiit to question him. 

Wrenn. (Exasperated but helpless) All right! 
All right ! But you do it at your own risk. Don't 
forget that. (He goes up to rear d. Dolly crosses 
L. and sits at desk) Shall I take off the ball and 
chain ? 

Dolly. No. 

Wrenn. (Lhmibly, as a last effort to dissuade 
her) Now, Dolly — (Dolly points at rear d. 
Wrenn sees it is useUss, and loses his temper) 



74 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Let 'em all out ! I don't care. Let 'em all out ! 
(Exit Wrenn, closing door) 

(Slight pause during which Dolly sits at desk and 
begins to tidy it. Enter Violet r. 4. A tall 
chemical blonde zvearing a heliotrope skimp 
skirt, many rings, much rouge and a large 
picture hat ivith heliotrope plumes. She carries 
a nezvspaper cornucopia containing an immense 
bouquet of native flowers.) 

Violet. (Chirply, ds she closes the door) Hello ! 

Dolly. (With official dignity) How do you do. 

Violet. (Smiling blandly as she approaches 
desk) I just dropped in a few moments to give 
Mr. Calloway some flowers. 

Dolly. Is he a friend of yours? 

Violet. (Taking bouquet from cornucopia) An 
old sweetheart, Honey. (Holding up bouquet) 
Ain't them just luscious ! 

(The stem of the bouquet is quite long and heavily 
wrapped with tinfoil on which is wound black 
thread. ) 

Dolly. What is your name? 

Violet. Violet. 

Dolly. Violet what ? 

Violet. You're getting inquisitive, Honey. 
(She starts up) 

Dolly. (Follozving her) I will take them to 
him. 

Violet. (Smirking at her over her 'shoulder) 
You needn't mind. 

Dolly. (Emphatically) I said I would take 
them to him. 

Violet. (Pleasantly, without looking around) 
I heard you, Honey. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 75 

Dolly. {Taking hold of her arm) I mean it, 
too. 

Violet. {Facing her and sizing her up, with 
arched eyebrozvs) Just who do you think you are? 

Dolly. The deputy sheriff of this county. 

Violet. You ? {She bursts out laughing. Dolly 
clenches hands. Volet chucks Dolly under the 
chin with bouquet) Say, I Hke you! Where's 
Wrenn .? 

Dolly. Never mind Wrenn. If those flowers 
are for Simp Calloway, give them to me. 

Violet. The nerve ! 

Dolly. Then leave this office. 

Violet. Why, you impudent little devil ! 

Dolly. You heard me, didn't you? 

Violet. Yes, and if you give me another word 
of your sass — {She drains back her hand. Dolly 
begins to roll up her sleeves) Going to throw me 
out, eh? {She laughs heartily. Dolly crosses to 
door R. Enter Wrenn rear d. c.) Hello, Wrenn. 
{She extends her hand familiarly and stops laugh- 
ing) 

Wrenn. {Perplexedly surprised) I thought you 
went to California. 

Violet. {Hand still extended) I did, but— 
(Ew^^r MacFarland. In his left hand an iron ball, 
the chain of which is fastened to an iron band about 
his ankle; in his right hand the cigar, still lighted, 
Violet recognises MacFarland, surprised but glad 
to see him) Well, look who's here? {Going to 
him, hand still extended) Why, how do you do? 

(Dolly crosses back to l. of desk.) 

MacFarland. {Calmly smoking) Nicelv, thank 
you, but have I ever seen 3^ou before ? 

Violet. {Smiling) Of course you have. 

MacFarland. {Casually surveying her) I don't 
recall you. 



76 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Violet. {With affected coyness) Probably not. 
{Nipping a rose petal with her lips) The last time 
yoii saw me I was in a bathing suit. 

Dolly. {Shrezvdly) Where? 

\^iOLET. None of your business. 

IvIacFarland. Where ? 

Violet. {Pleasantly) Long Beach, California. 

Dolly. {Quickly to MacFarland) V/ere you 
ever there ? 

MacFarland. Once — but I am sure I didn't see 
this lady. 

Violet. {Smiling coquettishly) Oh yes you 
did. 

MacFarland. {Mimicking) Oh no I didn't. 

Violet. Last New Year's day. (MacFarland 
shakes his head) You saved my life. 

Dolly. Did you? 

MacFarland. {To Dolly) The woman I 
saved was a brunette. 

Violet. {Flecking a flower, zvith girlish modesty) 
Last winter, I was a brunette. 

(Wrenn up L. snickers. Dolly glances at him. 
He instantly becomes dignified.) 

Dolly. {To MacFarland) What were you 
doing at Long Beach? 

MacFarland. {Flecking his cigar gravely) 
Watching the waves come in. 

(Violet snickers, then bursts out laughing and 
slaps MacFarland on the back.) 

Violet. {Joshing him, broadly) Watching the 
waves come in ! 

Dolly. {To Wrenn, disgusted) Take him 
back. (Wrenn takes hold of MacFarland's arm. 
Dolly starts down c.) 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE ^J'J 

MacFarland. Miss Kamman. (Dolly glances 
over her shoulder) Did you wish to speak to me? 
Dolly. I did but I don't now. 
MacFarland. Why not? 
Dolly. {To Wrenn) Take him back! 

(Wrenn tugs at MacFarland's arm.) 
MacFarland. {To Dolly) But you said- 



Wrenn. Come on! {He pulls MacFarland 

rear) 

Violet. {Blandly) Wait a mmute, Wrenn. 
(Wrenn stops. Violet goes to MacFarland) 
I want to give you these flowers as a hero medaL 
{She hands him the bouquet) 

MacFarland. Thank you, Miss Carnegie. 

Violet. Don't mention it. {She starts toward 

R- 4) 

Dolly. {To Wrenn, zvho is exiting zvith Mac- 
Farland) Stop! (To Violet) Wait! I thought 
you said those flowers were for Simp Calloway. 

Violet. What of it? 

Dolly. Is this man another old sweetheart of 
yours? (Violet laughs) Is he? 

Violet. He saved my life, Honey — that's all. 

Dolly. {Suspiciouslv) Is that all? 

Violet. That's what I said, didn't I? {She 
continues her zvay fo r. 4) 

MacFarland. " Just a moment, Miss ^ Carnegie. 
{Quietly to Wrenn) Does she know Simp? 

Wrenn. {Confidentiallv) Pals for twenty years. 

MacFarland. {To Wrenn) Watch me. 

Wrenn. Sure. That's what I'm paid for. 

MacFarland. {To Violet) I want you to tell 
me the names of these flowers, please. {He goes 
towards desk and puts hall in waste basket) 

Violet. {Going to desk) Sure — if I can. 

Dolly. {Going to Wrenn, zvho is at rear d. c.) 
I thought I told you to take him back ! 



y8 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

(Wrexn presses his forefinger to his lips and with 
a gesture tells her to let MacFarland alone. 
Together they watch the couple from rear l.) 

T'.TacFarland. (Laying bouquet on desk; to 
Violet nozv at r. end) I have studied botany but 
some of these Colorado flowers baffle me completely. 

Violet. {Sympathetically) That's too bad. 

I^IacFarland. They are pretty but puzzling. 

Violet. (Petting the bouquet) Oh, you puzzling 
posies ! 

IvIacFarland. (To Wrenn) Lend me your 
knife. 

Wrenn. (Giving knife to him) Sure. _ 

Violet. (As he takes knife) What are you 
going to do? 

MacFarland. Vivisect the flowers. (He opens 
knife and cuts the thread about the bouquet) 

Violet. (As MacFarland cuts the thread) 
The flowers ain't down there. 

MacFarland. (Returning knife to Wrenn) I 
know, but once, when I was wintering in Italy — 
(He has been imwrapping the foil. Suddenly he 
pulls the bouquet in twain, shredding it zvith his 
fingers. A large skeleton key and a small three- 
cornered file fall to the desk. Violet ^snatches them. 
MacFarland seises her by the zvrist and Wrenn 
ruTts to R. D.) 

Dolly. (Completely surprised) Oh! 

IMacFarland. (Tightening his grip on her 
wrist) Just a moment, if you please. (Uttering 
cry of pain, Violet drops the key and file. Mac- 
Farland hands them to Dolly) Permit me — a 
skeleton key — and a file. (To Violet) Did you 
know they were there ? 

Violet. No. 

Dolly. You are lying. (To Wrenn) Put her 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 79 

in cell Number 3, and don't take your eyes off her 
until I come. 

Wrenn. (After taking her by wrist) Shall I 
search her? 

Dolly. No, a woman can't hide anything in that 
kind of a dress. 

Violet. (Scathingly to MacFarland, zvho is 
assorting the flozvers) I thought I was dealing with 
a man. 

Dolly. You were. 

Violet. AY. M. C. A. boy, not a man. 

MacFarland. (Perfunctorily) Thank you. 

Violet. (Enraged, jumps at MacFarland) 
You 

Wrenn. None of that now ! (He urges her up) 

Violet. (To Wrenn) I'll take my time to it. 
(To MacFarland, as Wrenn pulls her toward 
rear d.) Y. M. C. A! Mama's little baby boy! 
Y. M. C. A. 

Wrenn. (Tugging at her to pull her thru door- 
way) I Must C. U. (I must see you.) 

Violet. (To Wrenn) Stop jerking me ! (She 
hits him on jazv and they exit rowing. Dolly 
closes door) 

MacFarland. (To Dolly) Gee, I hated to do 
that, but our little jail must be protected. 

Dolly. (Coming dozvn) Mr. MacGinniss, you 
are the queerest criminal I ever knew. 

MacFarland. (Tying flozvers which he has been 
putting together) Thank you — and permit me to 
observe that you are the queerest officer I ever 
knew. (r. end of desk) 

Dolly. (Shrezvdly, at up side of desk) How 
many officers have you known ? 

MacFarland. Enough to convince me that a 
clever man can dodge all of them — unless he meets 
one like you. 

Dolly. Explain yourself. 



So BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

MacP'arland. (Wrapping foil about bouquet) 
I beg to be excused. 

Dolly. As an officer of the law, I demand an 
explanation. 

MacFarland. As your humble prisoner, I insist 
upon profound silence. 

Dolly. Why ? 

MacFarland. (Offering her bouquet) Will 
you accept this little bouquet with my compliments ? 
. Dolly. (Ignoring it) I can't understand you at 
all, Mr. MacGinniss. 

INIacFarland. (Picking up iron ball) No. 

Dolly. No. You are brave and polite and in- 
telligent, and yet you forged. 

MacFarland. (Smiling) A regular jig-saw 
puzzle. (With the iron ball in one hand and bouquet 
in other he starts up) 

Dolly. Wliere are you going? 

MacFarland. To enjoy the floral solitude of 
cell No. 2. 

Dolly. (Indicating couch. Commandiyigly) 
Sit down. 

MacFarland. Yes, ma'am. (He crosses to couch 
and sits) 

Dolly. (As she takes gun holster from cabinet) 
Just who are you, Mr. MacGinniss? (During the 
follozving, Dolly straps holster around her waist 
and going down to desk, lean's against r. side of it 
while cross-examining MacFarland) 

MacFarland. (Simply) MacGinniss. 

Dolly. Yes, but who are you? 

MacFarland. (Caressing ball and chain) Do I 
look like Washington crossing the Delaware? 

Dolly. Really, now 

MacFarland. (Proudly) I am a bird of pas- 
sage flitting hither and thither o'er the broad green 
expanse of America, and I — (He has risen in his 
enthusiasm) 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 8i 

Dolly. Sit down. 

MacFarland. Yes, ma'am. {He sits, placing 
iron ball on the floor) 

Dolly. (Very gravely) You are a forger, Mr. 
MacGinniss ? 

MacFarland. I beg your pardon — I forged but 
I am not a forger. {He has risen) 

Dolly. Sit down. 

MacFarland. {Obeying) Yes, ma'am. 

Dolly. {Crossing to c.) You are a forger but 
you are something more. 

MacFarland. Now what have you discovered? 

Dolly. I have discovered that you are a man. 
(iMacFarland rises and bozvs politely) Sit dov/n. 

MacFarland. But 

Dolly. Sit down 

MacFarland. {Humbly) Yes, ma'am. {He 
sits) 

Dolly. I suspected you were a man the moment 
I saw you. 

MacFarland. Ah, Lady CHfford. You make 
me blush. {Hides face behind bonquet) 

Dolly. If you had not said what you did, I 
should never have suspected you of being anything 
else. 

MacFarland. {Rising anxiously) Am I any- 
thing else ? 

Dolly. If only you had not said " Believe me, 
Xantippe ". 

MacFarland. {Disgusted with himself) I'll 
never say it again — Believe me, X — {Checks him- 
self, then starts towards her penitently) Is that 
profanity out here? 

Dolly. No, but it told me who you were, and 
what you were. 

MacFarland. Miss Kamman — {Unable to drag 
the ball, MacFarland returns to it, picks it up and 
carrying it, goes to the desk, thoughtfully. Dolly 



82 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

is gazing sadly front) Miss Kamman, I am not 
what you think I am. 

Dolly. Then why did you forge that check? 

MacFarland. I didn't really forge it. 

Dolly. You just said so. 

MacFarland. {Puts iron hall on table) There 
is a little — a little mystery connected with this affair, 
Miss Kamman. 

Dolly. {Watching him closely) There is a big 
mystery. 

MacFarland. {Humoring her) Very well — a 
big mystery. 

Dolly. Can't you clear it up? 

MacFarland. {Lower l. facing her) It will 
clear itself up. 

Dolly. When ? 

MacFarland. As soon as I hear from those 
telegrams you sent to New York last night. 

Dolly. To Arthur Sole and Thornton Brown? 

MacFarland. {Crossing to her) Yes. They 
are my friends and will explain everything — every- 
thing. 

Dolly. {Slozvly, joyfully apprehensive) Do 
you mean to tell me that 

MacFarland. I don't mean to tell you anything. 
{They are now face to face) 

Dolly. You just said 

MacFarland. In time the truth will all come 
out. I am an innocent man. 

Dolly. Then prove it. 

MacFarland. I can't. 

Dolly. You just said you could. 

MacFarland. And I can, too. 

Dolly. Then do it. 

MacFarland. I can't. I must not. I am honor- 
bound not to say a word until — (Dolly gazes at 
him with mingled mystery and contempt) You 
think I'm lyings don't you? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 83 

Dolly. Can you blame me? You tell me you 
are innocent. I ask you to prove it. You say you 
can't. Then you say you can. Then you say you 
can't. Mr. MacGinniss, I want to believe that you 
are innocent, but — (She pauses a mornent, then 
shakes her head) 

MacFarland. (Resting ball on l. end of desk) 
Miss Dolly, when the proper time comes. Brown and 
Sole will explain everything — I promise you they 
will — (She looks at him zvith quiet emotion) Miss 
Kaniman, after I have proved to you that I am not 
a criminal — after I have proved beyond all doubt 
that I am an innocent, honest, honorable, hard- 
working citizen — (He lays his hand gently upon 
hers) 

Dolly. (With quiet firmness) Until you have 
proved that, remember you are a prisoner of the 
law and I the deputy sheriff of this county. (She 
takes his hand off hers and puts it on desk) 

MacFarland. Yes, ma'am. 

(They gaze into each other's faces several moments, 

gravely. ) 

Dolly. (Hopefully) Are you sure your friends 
can explain everything? 

MacFarland. Everything. 

Dolly. Can they explain — Violet? 

MacFarland. Violet who? 

Dolly. Violet Bathing Suit. 

MacFarland. Oh, I can explain that myself. 

Dolly. Then do it. 

MacFarland. I spent the holidays on the Pacific 
Coast. New Year's afternoon I was at Long 
Beach. Many were bathing. I wasn't. Violet ven- 
tured out too far, the undertow caught her and 
carried her to sea. I heard her scream, jumped in, 
swam to her assistance — And there you are. 

Dolly. It is strange you did not remember her. 



84 B.ELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

MacFarland. Well — you see 

Dolly. Go on. 

P-IacFarland. I did not take a good look at her. 

Dolly. Why ? 

I'IacFarland. Didn't have time. 

Dolly. Why not? 

MacFarland. W^ell, you see — (Pauses) 

Dolly. Yes, go on. 

MacFarland. I am going on. Well, you see as 
I was carr^dng her out of the water, I saw a police- 
man. 

Dolly. And r- ? 



MacFarland. I was in a hurry so I dropped her 
and departed immediately. 

Dolly. Then you are a fugitive from justice ! 

MacFarland. (Starts up c.) I am a bird of 
passage — a wazza zu passage. 

Dolly. (Firmly) Sit down. 

MacFarland. Same place ? 

Dolly. Yes. (He thrusts bouquet into his 
pocket and, carrying ball in right hand, starts to- 
wards couch. Dolly, supreme master of the situa- 
tion, stands watching him, her arms folded. 
Shrewdly) If you are not really a criminal, how do 
you happen to know so many tricks of the trade ? 

MacFarland. (Halting) I used to read the 
New York papers. 

Dolly. (Shrezvdly) Is that all? 

MacFarland. I also went to every crook play 
that came to town. 

Dolly. What else did you do? 

MacFarland. That's all I had time to do. 

(The telephone rings.) 

Dolly. (In telephone) Hello — Yes — (To Mac- 
Farland nozv at couch) A telegram. 
MacFarland. For me ? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 85 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. (Smiling) Good! It's from Sole 
and Brown, telling me they've fixed it up with the 
proper authorities to keep me out of Sing Sing. 

Dolly. (In telephone, as MacFarland 'sits on 
couch) Very well. Read it and I will take it down. 
(Seating herself in desk chair, she takes pencil and 
paper from drawer and places them conveniently on 
desk. Menzvhile — ) 

MacFarland. (Enthusiastically, as he pets the 
iron hall) It's only a question of time now when 
you will know the truth about everything. It is 
certainly bully to have friends who are always on 
the job ! What is your favorite kind of ring — one 
lone diamond all by himself or one completely sur- 
rounded by a flock of pearls? 

Dolly. (In telephone) All right. Read it — 
(As she writes the message — ) Yes — Yes — Yes — Is 
that all? — Now see if I have it right. (Reading 
message into 'phone) " George MacGinniss, County 
Jail, Delta, Colorado." 

MacFarland. (Smiling, as he places hall on 
floor) Yes, that's my hotel. 

Dolly. (Reading into 'phone — slozvly) " Thorn- 
ton Brown lost at sea." 

MacFarland. (Bewildered) There must be 
some mistake. Read it to the operator again. 

Dolly. (In 'phone) To make sure there is no 
mistake, I will read it to you again. (Reading) 
" Thornton Brown lost at sea. Signed, A friend." 
(MacFarland makes zvry face and swallozus as if 
he zvere swallowing a pumpkin. Dolly in 'phone) 
Word for word? — All right. Good-bye. (To Mac- 
Farland, as she hands up receiver) There is no 
mistake. 

MacFarland. (Stunned and disappointed) I 
never thought that of Thornt ! But thank God Sole 
is still alive. 



86 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

{The telephone rings.) 

Dolly. {In 'phone) Hello— (To MacFar- 
laxd) Another telegram. 

MacFarland. {Surprised) For me? 

Dolly. Yes. {Writing as she speaks) "Arthur 
Sole lost at sea. {Sing song, Rhymed couplet) 

" He tried to save his dear friend Brown, 
Almost succeeded, then both went down." 

MacFarland. {Ghost-like) Sing Sing! {Com- 
pletely unnerved, he rolls limply hut comically off 
the couch as the curtain falls) 

{Curtain rises immediately discovering MacFar- 
land stretched out on floor, the flowers upon 
his breast. He is all in, down and out, hut 
funny. ) 

Curtain 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 87 



ACT IV 

Scene: The same as Act III. Early morning a 
week later. 

The room is discovered in darkness. Pres- 
ently the dull gray light of dawn drifts in thru 
the zvindozvs. A rooster crozvs immediately off 
R. A moment later, a second rooster crows 
somezvhat farther off. A fezv moments later, a 
third rooster crozvs, barely audible. Rooster No. 
I then crozvs, Number 2 answers him, No. 3 
anszvers No. 2. The rooin, meanwhile, has been 
grozving brighter. 

The new desk and chair are revealed standing 
against the zvall betzveen r. 2 and R. 3. The 
desk is a small roll-top affair with the top 
down. There is a 'small gold framed landscape 
picture above the desk and a pretty zvicker 
waste basket on its dozvn side. A wolf rug 
is in front of it. The couch is now against the 
wall betzveen l. 2 and l. 4. A large bear skin 
rug is hi front of it. 

The room is perceptibly more tidy than in 
Act II. The maps hang square with the world. 
The books on the safe are orderly arranged 
on a scalloped edged cloth. The c. desk has 
a nezv white blotting pad and a vase of flowers 
but no litter. And the spittoon has been re- 
placed by a small stand upon which, in an 
Indian flower pot, sits a fern. There is a bob- 
cat rug in front of the c. de^^. A Navajo rug 
in front of the cabinet. Two red Navajo rugs 
R. and L. center. The windows are draped with 
short lace curtains tied back with pink ribbon's. 

Dolly Kamman is discovered asleep on the 



88- BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

couch. A large white pillozv is beneath her 
head and a pretty purple and ivhite Navajo 
blanket covers her. In front of the couch is a 
pair of high top tan shoes. At the foot of the 
couch, a pair of pretty moccasins, heavily 
beaded. Dolly's identity is not revealed until 
she rises to a sitting posture. 

Above the couch, and leaning against the 
zvall, is a green portable screen. 

The clcdter of hoofs, approaching at a steady 
trot, is heard off R. A dog barks, a shot rings 
out. The dog yelps. Dolly sits up. 

Tzvo more shots in rapid succession. Dolly 
springs out of bed. She is dressed in a pretty 
Japanese kimono and slippers. She hastens to 
R. 2 and peers out. The hoof clatteriyig is now 
very near. 

Dolly. Oh! {She hastens to couch, puts on 
moccasins and runs to r. 4. The clattering of hoofs 
meanwhile has ceased. Aj'rived at r. 4 Dolly un- 
locks it and swings it open) Father! {Enter 
Kamman, haggard and dirty, a zveek's grozvth of 
beard and his new pearl gray Stetson battered and 
torn — a limp felt thing. One coat sleeve is ripped 
frojn zvrist to shoulder. Dolly hugs him fervently) 

Kamman. {Holding her from him after having 
kissed her ardently) What the thunder are you 
domg here? 

Dolly. {Smiling) A deputy sheriff is a deputy 
sheriff, pa. {Closing door) Were you doing that 
shooting ? 

Kamman. {Crossing to cabinet) Yes. I scared 
Shorty WilHam's dog. 

Dolly. {Pained) What for? 

Kamman. {Opening cabinet door) If it hadn't 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 89 

been, for him we'd got those bank robbers clean 
handed. 

Dolly. How is that? 

Kamman. (Taking Colts from holster and ex- 
tracting empty shells at desk l.) Shorty joined us 
the second day out. The dog tagged him. We 
found the gang's trail about three hours after Shorty 
found us ; tracked it four days ; surrounded the men 
up at your hunting cabin, and were just crawlin-; 
in on them — they didn't know we were around — 
when that blasted dog barked at a bob-cat. Out 
they rushed and — {Hanging holster belt in cabinet) 
Where's Wrenn? 

Dolly. {Deeply concerned) Did you lose them? 

Kamman. {Coming down) No, but — Where's 
Wrenn ? 

Dolly. {At his side, gemdnely concerned) Did 
they get away ? 

Kamman. We had to shoot 'em. (Dolly shud- 
ders, turns and goes tozuards couch) Where's 
Wrenn ? 

Dolly. Asleep. {Puts blanket on sofa l.) 

Kamman. {At desk c. surveying the room) All 
fussed up, eh? 

Dolly, {Folding Navajo blanket) I had to be 
doing something. 

Kamman. Any mail? 

Dolly, Nothing important except a telegram 
from the New York officers. 

Kamman. Where is it? {He begins to pull out 
drazvers of desk) 

Dolly. In my desk. 

Kamman. {Noticing new desk, going tozvard it, 
smiling) When did it come? 

Dolly. {Opening upper drawer) The day after 
you left. 

Kamman. Have you been here all that time? 



90 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. (Handing him telegram) A deputy 
sheriff IS a deputy sheriff. (She goes to couch) 

Kamman. (Telegram in hand) The officers left 
Denver yesterday. That means they will ^et here 
on the noon train to-day. 

Dolly Unless they come on the early passen-er 
by way of Grand Junction. j f ^ 

Kamm^^n. (Crossing to desk) They won't do 
that. (Dolly spreads the screen at head of couch 
then turns to safe. Opening upper drawer of 
lus own desk) Are you sure MacGinniss and Simp 
didn t know each other before they met in your 
cabm that niQ-ht ? j y i 

P?^^^/ri {J^^^^'^^9 ^kirt and waist from top of 
safe) Why? ^ ^ ^ 

Kamman. (Taking cigar box from drawer) 
bimp and those bank robbers were member^ of the 
same gang and it looks like MacGinniss was in it 
too. 

^ Dolly. (At screen with clothes) I don't belieye 

Kamman. (Opening box) You never can tell 
{Looking into box) Where in thunder are my 
cigars ? ^ 

■.P^J:}^^: (^Mnd screen, looking over) Mr 
MacGinniss smoked the last one yesterday 

Kamman. That's a pretty note ! (Slamming the 
drawer shut) And they were straight Havanas, 

1-^^^^^- , ^^"^ ^f ^^9^^^' behind screen) That's 
what Mr. MacGinniss said. ^ 

Kamman. Damn Mr. MacGinniss ! 

Dolly (Same) Wrenn said you said to mye 
him all the luxuries of life. 

Kamman. I didn't say to give him my Havanas. 
, Dolly. (Same) Mr. MacGinniss says your 
cigars and the Rocky Mountain sunrises are the 
only luxuries this town affords. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 91 

Kamman. Haven't had a good smoke for a week. 
Bought that box brand new not thirty minutes be- 
fore I left town. Now look at it. (Dolly peeps 
over screen) Look at it! {He hurls it into waste- 
basket) 

Dolly. (Folding screen) Mr. MacGinniss was 
afraid you might not like it. (She is now dressed 
as in Act IL Her Colts is in holster, strapped 
about her zvaist) 

Kamman. (Going tozvards her as she replaces 
screen at head of conch) How would you like it 
if some one had smoked your cigars ? 

Dolly. I wouldn't mind it if that someone re- 
placed my cigars the wa.y Mr. MacGinniss replaced 
yours. (Going to her desk, she opens second drawer 
and, taking out a box of cigars, extends to Kamman 
opened) 

Kamman. (Delighted) Well, I'll be 

Dolly. Ah — ah — (Pokes a cigar in his month) 

Kamman. (Admiring cigar, zvhich he holds in 
hand) Dolly, it's a shame to let a man like that go 
to prison. 

Dolly. (Laying her hand gently upon his fore- 
arm as he unzvraps cigar's foil) Isn't there some 
way we can keep him from going to prison ? 

Kamman. The time to have thought of that was 
up in your cabin. 

Dolly. Couldn't — couldn't we just let him — ? 
(She hesitates) 

Kamman. What? 

Dolly. • (Going to c. desk) Nothing. 

Kamman. What's happened, Dolly? 

Dolly. (Taking him gently by the arm) Go 
home and get your breakfast. 

Kamman. You're coming v/ith me. 

Dolly. (Escorting him slozvly tozvards R. 4) I 
will come just as soon as I straighten up the office. 

Kamman. I'll stay and help you. 



02 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. {Opening r. 4) Wrenn will help me. 

Kamman. I will. 

Dolly. You have been riding all night and I 
know it. Go home ! 

Kamman. {In r. 4) All right. I'll put up 
Monk and shave, and if you're not home by that time 
rU come down and get you. 

Dolly. All right. 

Kamman. {Exiting) Now remember. 

Dolly. Yes. Good-bye. {Exit Kamman r. 4. 
Dolly stands in tJie doorzuay watching him a fezu 
moments. Presently the hoofs of his horse are heard 
clicky-te-clicking at an easy canter off r. She zvaves 
her handkerchief at him a moment, closes the door, 
goes to rear d. c. and, unbolting it, opens it) Wrenn 
- —oh, Wrenn ! 

Wrenn. {Sleepily, off rear) Y-e-s ! 

Dolly. Aren't you up yet? 

\V^renn. {Off) Yes. (Dolly goes dozun to 
couch, picks up kimono and pillozv and takes them 
up to safe, places them on top of blanket and is re- 
turning to c. desk as Wrenn appears in rear d. 
Enter Wrenn. He zveafs a lay dozim linen collar, 
an orange colored tie and is half asleep. Yazvning) 
What is it, Dolly? 

Dolly. {A^ot looking at him) Fetch Mr. Mac- 
Ginniss out to see the sunrise. 

Wrenn. All right, Dolly. {He yazvns) 

Dolly. Wrenn ! Is Mr. MacGinniss comfort- 
able? 

Wrenn. He ought to be with all the new clothes 
and fixing he's got from Denver. {Starts up c. 
Dolly frozvns zvorriedly) 

Dolly. Wrenn, have you ever overheard Simp 
or Mr. MacGinnis say anything that led you to be- 
lieve they knew each other before they met at my 
cabin. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 93 

Wrenn. Can't say I have, Dolly. But Violet's 
been talkin' a lot lately. Why? 

Dolly. What did she say? 

Wrenn. Well, I won't repeat all she said — but 
the jist of her profanity was that she knows some- 
thing so bad about MacGinniss that it makes Simp 
Calloway look like an angel. Why? 

Dolly. Some people suspect Mr. MacGinniss of 
being Simp's partner. 

Wrenn. (V/isely) I've suspicioned him all the 
time. 

Dolly. You never mentioned it before. 

Wrenn. You never asked me to. 

Dolly. Fetch him out to see the sunrise. 

Wrenn. All right. (Exit Wrenn. Going to 
windozv r. 2, Dolly opens it and, taking field-glasses 
from her desk, cleans the lens carefully, thought- 
fully, with her handkerchief. Re-enter Wrenn zvith 
MacFarland. To MacFarland) Come out and 
see the moonlight. 

(MacFarland is very much discouraged.) 

Dolly. Good-morning ! 

MacFarland. {Coming dozmi) Good-morning, 
Sheriff. {He salutes gravely) 

Dolly. Do wish to see the sunrise ? {She hands 
him the glasses) 

MacFarland. Thank you. 

Dolly. {As he goes to zvindozv, syinpathetically) 
You don't look very chipper this morning. 

MacFarland. {Glumly) I feel about as chipper 
as a piece of crepe. {Arrived at zvindozjo, Mac- 
Farland adjusts glasses to the viezju. The sun is 
rising above the mountains. Dolly and Wrenn 
cross to c. desk and zvatch him) Every time I look 
at those mountains I imagine I can see the cold gray 
walls of Sing Sing. 



94 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. {To Wrenn^ handing him box of 
cigars) Take him a cigar. 

]\IacFarland. (Still viczi'ing landscape, sadly) 
And to think that is the same old sun I used to see 
in New York ! 

V\^RENN. (Immediately behind him — bluntly) 
Have a cigar. 

JMacFarland. (Taking one) Thank you. 

Dolly. (Going to MacFarland zvith box of 
matches. To Wrenn) Fetch in Simp to beat the 
rugs. 

XVrenn. All right, Dolly. (He returns to c. 
desk zvith cigars) 

MacFarland. (Tenderly to Dolly as he takes 
match from box) YouVe been awfully good to me, 
Miss Dolly. (Lights match, then) I wish I didn't 
ever have to leave you. (As he lights cigar, Dolly, 
overcome with grief, impulsively lays her head on 
his shoulder and sobs. MacFarland attempts to 
embrace her. Remembering she is an officer and 
he a prisoner, she shoves him away from her') 

Dolly. How dare 3^ou! (Angrily to Wrenn) 
Fetch in Violet to do the dusting. 

V/renn. She ain't up yet. 

Dolly. (Stamping foot) Get her up. 

Wrenn. Up she is, Dolly. Up she is. (Starts 
up) 

Dolly. And fetch a bucket of water, and a 
sponge. 

(MacFarland sits in nezv desk chair.) 

Wrenn. (Pausing, rear d.) What yer goin' 
ter do, give someone a sponge bath? 

Dolly. Mr. MacGinniss is going to wash the 
windows. 

MacFarland. (Rising) What? 

Wrenn. Oh, house cleaning, eh? (Exit rear d., 
laughing) 



y* 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 95 

(Dolly takes a ten foot dog chain with lock on one 
end and ring on the other from cabinet and goes 
to windozv.) 

MacFarland. Are you in earnest about the 
windows ? 

Dolly. (Fastening chain to iron window bar, 
by slipping chain through ring at end of it) I cer- 
tainly am. Take off your coat. (MacFarland 
steps to her desk, lays cigar on it, removes jacket, 
rolls lip shirt sleeves and trouser hems. Dolly, 
meanwhile, tests the wristlet lock on one end of 
chain and the lock on the other end. Then, turning 
to MacFarland, zvho is rolling tip sleeves) Your 
ankle, please. 

(MacFarland extends his right foot demurely to 
her. She locks the zvristlet about it.) 

MacFarland. Thank you. (As she goes iip fo 
safe, MacFarland tests length of chain. Dolly 
is hanging key in cabinet as Simp enters) 

(Enter Simp rear d. c. He is clad in overalls cud 
blue shirt. Wears half pace leather — and — 
chain hobbles about his shins.) 

Dolly. Good-morning, Simp. (He glares at 
her) 

MacFarland. Good-morning, Simpy. 

Dolly. (Indicating Navajo rug r. c.) Pick up 
that rug. 

(Simp goes sullenly tozvards the rug. Enter 
Wrenn, zvith a pail of water, sponge and drying 
cloth.) 

Wrenn. Here you are, Dolly. 



96 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. Take them to Mr. MacGinnlss. 
Simp. (Contemptuously to MacFarland) Mis- 
ter ! H 

MacFarland. (To Simp, warningly) Easy! 

(The tzvo men glare at each other.) 

Dolly. (To Simp and MacFarland) You're 
not here to growl. You're here to work. (She is 
now R. door. Simp rolls up the rug. MacFarland 
prepares to zvash zvindozv, Wrenn having delivered 
bucket and drying cloth, sponge in bucket) 

MacFarland. Yes, Simpson, we're here to work. 
(Taking cloth) What's this for ? Oh, yes. (Tucks 
it under his chin) 

Dolly. (To Wrenn) Fetch Violet. 

Wrenn. (At r. 2) She's putting on her Mother 
Hubbard. 

Dolly. She's had enough time to put on a dozen 
Mother Flubbards. Fetch her out. 

Wrenn. Out she is, Dolly! (Exit Wrenn) 

Dolly, (l. of Simp observing him carefully as 
he rolls up rug lazily) Simp, it might interest you 
to know that the bank robbers at Grand Junction 
have been shot. 

(Simp glances at her quickly. MacFarland ceases 
his zvindozv znashing and gazes at Simp. Dolly 
glances first at one, then at the other. Dramatic 
pause.) 

Simp. (With great anxiety, but trying to conceal 
it; to Dolly) Who says they're shot? 

Dolly. Did you know them? 

Simp. (Taking step tozvard her — emphatically 
and insistently) Who told you they were shot? 

Dolly. (Calmly) Did you know them? (Simp 
gazes at Dolly several moments. A distant train 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 97 

whistle is heard faintly off rear. She is satisfied that 
he knozvs them) You did know them, didn't you? 

(Simp returns to his rug-rolling. MacFarland 
resumes washing window. Dolly goes up 
to R. 4. As 'she is going up Simp makes his way 
to MacFarland. Arrived at the door, Dolly 
locks it quietly and puts the key in her waist 
pocket, keeping her eyes on Simp a7id Mac- 
Farland all the while.) 

Simp. If it hadn't been for you they wouldn't 
have a got them boys. I'd been there myself to 
help 'em out. If I ever get out of this jail there 
won't be enough left on you to call the buzzards. 

MacFarland. {To Dolly) Don't let him out. 

Dolly. Were they friends of yours, Mr. Mac- 
Ginniss ? 

MacFarland. They were not. 

Dolly. Were they, Simp ? Did Mr. MacGinniss 
know those bank robbers ? 

Simp. Sure he did. 

(MacFarland lunges at him hut the chain is too 

short.) 

Dolly. How do you know? 

Simp. (Sarcastic) Why, don't you suppose I 
know who he is? 

Dolly. Who is he? 

Simp. I'd hate ter tell you. (Crosses to L. with 
rug over arm) 

MacFarland. Please unlock my ankle. 

(Enter Violet, followed by Wrenn, carrying the 
iron ball. Violet is dressed in a denham 
Mother Hubbard and without her massive 



98 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

blonde szvitch. She is nozv a woman of little 
hair and is rougelcss and zvan. She looks 
twenty years older than in Act III. The chain 
is attached to her right foot. Wrenn places 
hall on the floor to the right of her. She enters 
unnoticed by others and does not interrupt the 
action of the scene.) 

Dolly. (To Simp) How long have you known 
Mr. MacGinniss? 

Simp. Years. 

Dolly. How many years? 

Simp. Lots of 'em. 

Violet, (r. c.) Yes, and so have I. 

Dolly. (To Violet) How long have you known 
him? 

Violet. Long enough to know what a coyote he 
is. 

Dolly. I thought you said you met him last 
winter ? 

Violet. I was stuffing you when I told you that. 

Dolly. You were? 

Violet. Sure ! Why, you little hussy, if I was 
to tell you how long Fve known that turtle dove, 
and what I know about him 

MacFarland. (To Dolly) Unlock my ankle. 

Dolly. (To Violet) Did you know him before 
Simp knew him? 

Violet. (Looking meaningly at Simp) Met 
him 'bout the same time. Didn't w^e, Simp? 

Simp. Yeh. 

MacFarland. Please unlock my ankle. 

Dolly. Where did you meet him ? 

Violet. Cripple Creek. Wasn't it, Simp ? 

Simp. Yeh. 

MacFarland. (In a rage) Unlock my leg ! 

Violet. (To MacFarland) You will try to 
pose as a goody-goody, will you? ' 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 99 

Dolly. (Calmly, to Simp and Violet) You are 
a pair of liars. 

Violet. What? (She rushes at her, dragging 
the iron hall. Wrenn puts foot on chain, suspend- 
ing Violet on one foot a fezv feet from Dolly) 

Dolly. {To Violet) You are a pair of 
malicious liars. {To Simp) I heard every word 
you said to Mr. MacGinniss up in my cabin when 
you thought I was out for water. (Simp stares at 
her) You never saw him until that night. {To 
Violet) And you never saw him until the day he 
saved your life. 

{Dramatic pause.) 

MacFarland. Wrenn, buy Dolly a carload of 
candy and charge it to New York. 

(Wrenn smiles. Crosses l. at hack. Violet, in 
extreme anger, opens and clenches hands.) 

Dolly. {To Simp) Put that down! (Simp 
drops ring. To Wrenn) Put him on bean soup 
for a week. And her, too. 

Wrenn. Bean soup it is, Dolly. (Simp starts 
to hit Wrenn) Now you start something! 

{They cross to c.) 

Simp. {To MacFarland) Hey there you 
damn dude! When you get through with them 
windows, you can black my boots. 

(MacFarland throzvs zvet sponge at Simp and hits 
his face, ad lih row as Wrenn drags Simp 
offc.) 

Dolly. {To Violet zvho has been glaring at 
her) Go to your cell. 
Violet. You little 



100 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. Go to your cell or we'll carry you there 
on a stretcher. 

Violet. Oh, Fm not afraid of your old stretcher. 

MacFarland. The next time FU let you sink. 

Wrenn. {Enters c, taking Violet off) Now 
you start something. 

Violet. {To Wrenn and holding hall in a 
theatening position) Oh, wouldn't I like to bounce 
this ball on your bean ! 

(Wrenn seizes the hall and zvr angles her off. 
Another row as he and Violet exit rear i.) 

MacFarland. {As Dolly comes dozvn) Miss 
Kamman, won't you please take breakfast with me 
this morning? 

Dolly. Wash your window. 

MacFarland. It is washed. Now I'm going to 
dry it. {He uses curtains) 

Dolly. Stop that! 

MacFarland. Wrenn ! Oh, Wrenn ! 

Dolly. {Nozv at desk) Never mind Wrenn. 
Wash that window. 

Wrenn. {In doorway) What do you want? 

Dolly. {To Wrenn) Nothing. 

MacFarland. {To Wrenn) I want my break- 
fast. Come here. Sir Christopher. 

Wrenn. {Quickly, taking order pad from coat 
pocket ds he comes down — importantly) What will 
you have for breakfast? 

MacFarland. Two large juicy steaks — French 
fried potatoes — a little caviar — some mushrooms — 
four fried eggs — two on one side and two on the 
other — asparagus — a cup of coffee and a dish of 
strawberries and cream. 

Wrenn. You can't think of anything else, can 
you? 

MacFarland. Have you got anything else? 

Wrenn. I don't think we've got this. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE loi 

MacFarland. Then what are you writing it 
down for? 

Wrenn. I'm learning how to spell. 

Dolly. {Dryly hut with unmistakable emphasis) 
There has been more than one jailer jailed for dis- 
obeying orders. 

(Wrenn glances at her — sees she means business.) 

Wrenn. (Pocketing order book, starts up) All 
right, Dolly. 

MacFarland. (Remonstrating) But 

Dolly. If you say another word I'll put you on 
bean soup, too. 

MacFarland. (Demurely) Yes, ma'am. (He 
resumes window-drying — uses the cloth) 

Dolly. (To Wrenn, indicating rug l. c.) Take 
that rug and beat it until there isn't a speck of dust 
left. 

Wrenn. (Going to l. c.) Gee, I'd rather be a 
prisoner in this jail. (Wrenn picks up rug l. c. 
goes up R. 4, and exits) 

('Phone rings.) 

Dolly. (At 'phone) Hello — Yes, this is the 
county jail — No, but this is the deputy — The sheriff 
will not be down until noon. He can't be disturbed. 
— No, he shot two men yesterday and is resting. 
Who is this? (Greatly surprised) Oh — Yes, we 
received your telegram but the sheriff was expecting 
you on the noon train — I see. By the way of Grand 
Junction — Certainly, come right on up. (Hanging 
up the receiver, Dolly goes to her desk, takes a 
hand towel from drawer, goes to MacFarland. 
Handing him towel) Dry your hands. (She picks 
up bucket, etc., and places them under her desk) 

MacFarland. (Glancing at windozv, then at her, 
discouraged) I never could wash windows, anyhow. 

Dolly. The window is all right. 



102 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

MacFarland. Then what's the matter? 

Dolly. The New York officers are coming. 

MacFarland. {Amazed) What? 

Dolly. The New York officers are coming. 

MacFarland. {Excited) When? 

Dolly. They are on their way up here now. 
Give me your ankle. 

jMacFarland. {Obeying eagerly) Why didn't 
you tell me before? 

Dolly. {UnlGcking wristlet) We weren't ex- 
pecting them until noon. {Risi7ig) Go to your cell. 
(Crosses c.) 

MacFarland. I shall do no such thing. 

Dolly. {Facing him, staniping foot) I told you 
to go to your cell. 

MacFarland. Yes, but I have something to say 
to you. {Crosses c.) 

Dolly. I don't want to hear it. {She is nozv at 
desk ) 

MacFarland. {Rapidly, earnestly) I insist 
I'm no criminal. I made a bet of thirty thousand 
dollars with Art Sole and Thornton Brown that I 
could commit a crime and escape every officer of the 
law for one year. I forged a check on my friend 
Brown — and here I am. 

Dolly. {Amazed) Are you telling me the 
truth ? 

MacFarland. Yes. 

Dolly. Honestly ? 

MacFarland. Upon my honor. They chased 
me from Portland, Me, to Puget Sound; from 
Newark to New Orleans, but they couldn't keep in 
sight of me. And I would have won if it hadn't 
been for you. 

Dolly. I'm awfully sorry I caught you. 

MacFarland. I'm not. I'm glad. It's worth 
thirty times thirty thousand dollars just to meet a 
girl like you. {Clenching hands) What I regret 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 103 

is that Sole and Brown didn't have sense enough to 
stay away from the Atlantic Ocean. They're 
the ones that are sending me to prison, not you. 

Dolly. (With quiet determination) If you are 
not a criminal, you are not going to prison. 

MacFarland. How can I help it? The only 
men who know the truth are gone and 

Dolly. You are not going back to New York. 

MacFarland. {Dumbfounded) What? 

Dolly. (Quickly and anxiously) Can you ride 
a horse? 

MacFarland. If it is old enough. 

Dolly. Go back to your cell. Hurry. (Forcing 
him up c.) 

MacFarland. (Backing slowly tozvards rear 
door) What are you going to do? 

Dolly. Keep you out of prison. 

MacFarland. How ? 

Dolly. By letting you escape. 

MacFarland. You are not. 

Dolly. (Emphatically indignant) Whose 
prisoner are you, anyway? 

MacFarland. Yours, but 

Dolly. Go bapk to your cell. (MacFarland 
shakes head. Dolly tries to pull him upstage to- 
wards rear door. Exasperated) Every second you 
stand here talking puts you that much nearer Sing 
Sing. 

MacFarland. (Nodding slowly) And before 
I would let you disgrace yourself by turning me 
loose, I would walk all the way to Sing Sing and put 
on my own ball and chain. 

(Re-enter Wrenn, r. 4, zvith rug.) 

Wrenn. (Re-entering) What's next, Dolly? 
Dolly. Er — er — Get Mr. MacGinniss' breakfast. 
Wrenn. (Puzzled) But I thought you said 



104 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. Never mind what I said. Get his break- 
fast. {She opens door r. 4) 

Wrenn. All right, Dolly — breakfast she is. 
{Looks for the place to put rug dozvn. To Mac- 
Farland) Here, you hold it. (Wrenn gives 
rug to MacFarland. He throzvs it on floor as 
Wrenn rims off r.) 

MacFarland. {As Dolly closes door) What 
are you trying to do? 

Dolly. {Coming down) Keep him away until 
you've escaped. 

MacFarland. I am not going to escape. 

Dolly. {Earnestly. MacFarland to l. of 
desk, she at up side) Mr. MacGinniss, you 
are my friend. You proved it that night up in the 
cabin when you had me dead to rights. You proved 
it when you saved me from Simp Calloway and 
helped me catch him. You proved it the day you 
brought me that key. You are my friend, and as 
my friend, I would rather see the sage brush grow- 
ing above you than to have you wearing prison 
stripes. {Laying her hand gently on his arm) Now 
I have lots of friends over in Arizona who will do 
anything I ask. I want you to go there. 

MacFarland. {Musingly) Just how far is it to 
Arizona ? 

Dolly. A seven days' ride. 

MacFarland. Horse back? 

Dolly. Yes. 

MacFarland. Count me out. 

Dolly. But it means your freedom. 

MacFarland. {Laying his hand gently on her 
forearm) I would rather be a live convict in Sing 
Sing than a dead free man in Arizona. 

Dolly. {Cross l.) Mr. MacGinniss, I have 
reasoned with you, I have pleaded with you. Now 
it is gonig to be either Arizona or the graveyard. 
Which will you take? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 105 

MacFarland. Let me think it over. 

Dolly. (Drawing Colts) Which? 

MacFarland. (Swallowing with difficulty) 
Arizona. 

Dolly. (Hoist ering Colts) Run into the cell 
room and wait till I call you. Hurry ! (She ntns 
to rear d. c. and opens it) 

MacFarland. (At door c.) I won't budge an 
inch until you promise to give me a gentle horse 
with three big pillows in the saddle. 

Dolly. A dozen if you want them. And I'll giv^ 
you a letter of introduction along the line. (Sh- 
takes his arm and starts up zvith him) But hurry! 

MacFarland. (To Dolly, zvho stands beside 
the open door) I feel as tho something dreadful 
was going to happen when I get on that horse. 

Dolly. Nonsense. (Shoving him off, she closes 
door and holts it, hastens hack to desk, picks 
up 'phone. In 'phone) 24, please — Send a horse 
down to the jail right away — Something gentle bvi" 
fast. That's it. A cross between a Standpatter cin.l 
a Progressive — Hurry. (She shoves the receiver 
on hook, grahs a pad of zvriting- paper from desk 
dra-iver and dipping pen in ink-stand zvrites, rapidly 
hut carefully. Pause of several moments. There is 
knocking at r. 4. Gruffly) Come in. (Enter 
Brown and Sole, r. 4. Dolly keeps on zvritiui. 
Brown goes toward her. Sole inspects bulletin 
board) 

Brown. (Affably to Dolly zi'ho does not look 
up) I beg your pardon, but is the deputy sheriff 
in? 

Dolly. Yes. 

Brown. May we see him? 

Dolly. Yes. (Sole joins BroVv^n. They are r. 

, of desk. They glance at their watches, then at each 

other; then at Dolly. Returning zvatches to pocket, 

they glance again at each other then at Dolly, 



io6 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

writing, again take watches from pockets and 
glance at them. Dolly, writing, seems oblivious of 
their presence. Pause) 

Sole. {Watch in hand, sternly) When may we 
see him? 

Brown. {Pleasantly) Yes, zvhenf 

Dolly. {Writing) You have been looking at 
him- ever since you entered. 

Brown. {Amazed) Are you? 

Dolly. I am. {Blotting letter) I suppose you 
are the New York officials? 

Sole. We are. 

Dolly. {Taking envelope from drawer) Then 
w^hy didn't you introduce yourselves? {The men 
stroke their chins uncomfortably as Dolly folds 
letter. Putting letter in envelope) I am a lady 
even if I am a deputy sheriff. {She seals the letter 
with a bloiv of her fist) 

Sole. {Stiffly) We beg your pardon. 

Brown. We offer you our humble apologies. 
{Extending cigar case) Smoke? 

Dolly. {Taking cigar without looking at 
Brown) Thanks. {She lays cigar on desk and 
addresses envelope. Brown makes long face. It 
zvas his last cigar) I suppose you would like to see 
Mr. MacGinniss? 

Sole. {Somewhat sharply) That's what we 
came two thousand miles for. 

Dolly. {Blotting envelope) He's out at the 
Fair Grounds. 

Brown. The Fair Grounds? 

Dolly. Yes — out on the race track. {She lays 
cigar on envelope) 

Sole. I 'phoned up not fifteen minutes ago and 
you said he was here. 

Dolly. {Replacing zvriting pad) He was — but 
he is taking his exercises now. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 107 

Brown. (Siniling broadly) Just what kind of 
exercise ? 

Dolly. Breaking broncos. (Brown laughs 
Dolly glances at hhn sharply) 

Sole. (Quickly) Where are the Fair Grounds? 

Dolly. Two miles and a half straight north. 
You can see them from here. (Points to window) 

Sole. (Looking from zvindow) Is there a taxi- 
cab in this town? 

Dolly. No. 

(Aiito horn heard off r.) 

Brown. There's one now. 
Dolly. That's an automobile. 
Sole. (Rushing to door R.) Stop it! 

(Sole and Brown rush to door and off shouting 
Stop that carl Stop it!) 

Dolly. (Running to door c. and calling off) 
All right. (MacFarland enters zvearing hat as in 
Act I. A horse is heard coining) Did you hear 
us? 

MacFarland. Not a word. 

Dolly. (Going quickly to desk R., gives Mac- 
Farland letter she has zvritten) Here's the letter 
of introduction. And here's a cigar from New York 
City. (Giving him cigar. MacFarland puts letter 
in pocket. Kisses cigar and puts it in mouth. Dolly 
rimning to door r.) Goody! There's your horse. 

MacFarland. (JVith a sickly smile) Oh yes, 
my horse. 

Dolly. (Extending hand) Good-bye. (Holds 
her hand out to him) 

MacFarland. (As they shake hands) Miss 
Dolly, won't you step over into Arizona once in a 
while for Sunday dinner? 



io8 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. {Smiling as she fries to get him aivay) 
This is no time for dinner arrangements — Hurry 

IMacFarland. Dolly, if I get out of this alive, 
v/on't you take all of your m.eals with me sometime? 

Dolly. Yes — but this is no time for sentiment 
Hurry! (She runs to cabinet) Wait a minute — • 
3-our spurs. 

MacFarland. Gee, have I got to wear spurs? 

Dolly. {Giving MacFarland spurs zvhich he 
puts on wrong) Now, listen: Keep ud a steadv 
trot every day from sun-up to sun-down for a week. 
But whatever vou do, don't spur vour horse in the 
flank. 

MacFarland. Where are his flanks? I'll bet 
five thousand dollars I've drawn a buckin.f^ bron- 
cho ! 

Dolly. No you haven't, but be careful. Don't 
spur too far hack. {Opening door r.) Now re- 
member — three days West — four days South, and 
you are there. 

I\IacFarland. Dolly, I love you. 

Dolly, {Shoving him tozvard door) I like you 
too, but this is no time for — confessions. 

IMacFarland. {Turning in doorzvay) Dolly, if 
I get out of this alive, I'll come back,' but it won't 
be on horse-back. Good-bye, Dolly, and God bless 
you. (MacFarland exits r. Dolly closes door. 
MacFarland's voice is heard off. MacFarland 
off-stage) Is this the horse? Nice horsie. Nice 
horsie! I'm not going to hurt you. Nice horsie! 
{There is a violent noise of horse's hoofs. It clat- 
ters and then breaks into a zvild gallop) Whoa! 
Stop him ! Stop him ! Whoa ! 

Dolly. {Calling from door) Take 3^our spurs 
out of his flanks ! {Slams door and rushes back to 
desk and grabs telephone) 24. Gord ! What kind 
of a horse did you send down here? — You did 
not. Don't try to explain. Send me my Mollie 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 109 

mare the quickest you ever did anything in your Hfe. 
I told you I wanted a gentle horse. You did not. 
{Slams receiver on hook) 

Kamman. (Entering r. 3, laughing) Ha, ha, ha ! 

Dolly. (Surprised) I thought I told you to 
take a nap. 

Kamman. (Closing door) A cup of coffee and 
a cold wash made me a new man. (Crossing to 
desk laughing) Did you see that tenderfoot going 
down the road a minute ago? 

Dolly. (Anxiously) What about him? 

Kamman. Funniest sight I ever saw. Horse on 
a dead run — cloud of dust — tenderfoot hanging on 
to the saddle horn hollerin' " Whoa ! Whoa ! 
Whoa ! " 

Dolly. (Coming down) Did he fall off? 

Kamman. (Lighting cigar) He was still stick- 
ing on the last I saw of him. 

Dolly. Good. 

Kamman. (Puzzled) What? 

Dolly. I ahvays did feel sorry for a tenderfoot. 

Kamman. (Starting tozvards door c.) Guess 
I'll take a look at our five thousand dollar part- 
ridge. 

Dolly. (With forced calmness) Who do you 



Kamman. MacGinniss. How is he? 

Dolly. All right, the last time I saw him. 

Kamman. That's good. (He exits c. Dolly 
stands at desk, hands clenched. Kamman re-enters, 
quickly and angrily) Dolly! Where's MacGinniss? 

Dolly. You should know better than I. You 
saw him last. (She crosses to desk r.) 

Kamman. (Follozving her) Answer me! 
Where's MacGinniss ? 

Dolly. The last I saw of him, he was going 
down the road in a cloud of dust. 

Kamman. (Dumfounded) Was that him? 



no BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Dolly. Yes. 

Kamman. (Raging) Where's Wrenn? 

Dolly Getting Mr. MacGinniss' breakfast. 

Kamman. So, that was it? Wrenn on an 
errand ; the old man in bed ; and his deputy turning 
the prize prisoner loose ! So that was the game, 
was it! 

Dolly. It looks that way, doesn't it? 

Kamman. (With azvful calmness) Well, we'll 
soon knock that little romance in the head. (He 
reaches for the telehone. Dolly snatches it from 
hiiu) Give me that 'phone. 

DoLiY. I'll do no such thing. 

Kamman. Dolly — (He goes tozuards her. She 
is at L. of desk as far as the 'phone cord zuill permit) 
Give me that 'phone (She jerks 'phone from con- 
nection) Dolly ! ! 

Dolly. (Calmly) Mr. MacGinniss is an in- 
nocent man. (Tosses telephone in waste basket) 

Kamman. I am Sheriff of this County. (He 
starts for door r. Dolly gets to it first, locks it 
and stands with her back to door) Let me out ! 
Let me out ! Unlock that door ! I've got to get that 
man ! 

Dolly. Father, we are going to talk it over 
calmly first. 

Kamman. Dolly Kamman, you unlock that door ! 
I've got to get that man 1 

(Tense pause, then sharp knocking at the door.) 

Dolly. Who is it? 

Sole. (Outside) The New York officers. 

Kamman. (Amazed) What!!! (Crosses i.. in 
dismay. Dolly unlocks the door. Enter Sole and 
Brown mopping faces and fanning selves with their 
hats) 

Sole. (Coming dozen angrily to Dolly) Mac- 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE iii 

GInnIss is not at the Fair Grounds. He never was 
there. (Mops face zvith handkerchief) 

Kamman. (Nozv at left center) Officers, as 
Sheriff of this County, it is my painful duty to in- 
form you that the prisoner has escaped. 

Brown. . (r.) What? 

Sole. (Louder, r. c.) What? 

Kamman. MacGinniss is gone. 

(Tense pause. Kamman ashamed hut brave, Sole 
angry. Brown amused, Dolly resolutely 
cclUu.) 

Sole. (To Dolly) Say, you're behind this! 

Kamman. (To Sole) If you have anything to 
say, say it to me — I'm Sheriff of this county. 

Sole. But your deputy let the prisoner escape. 

Kamman. (Going to him) It don't make any 
difference what my deputy did. If you have any- 
thing to say, say it to me. Don't try to jump on my 
little girl. 

Sole. (Now close to and face to face with him) 
If we were alone. Sheriff, I'd give you the worst — 

Kamman. (Angry) Well, it won't take very 
darned long to git alone. (To Dolly kindly) 
Dolly, you just step down and get the mail. 

Dolly. I will do no such thing. (She crosses 
to Sole) I am the cause of all this. I turned 
the prisoner loose. I don't deny it. I'm proud of it. 
He is as innocent as a dove! 

Sole. (With supercilious smile) How do you 
know? 

Dolly. Instinct tells me. 

Sole. (Looking at Brown cynically) Instinct? 

Dolly. (Indignant) Well, whose prisoner is he 
anyhow ? I caught him, didn't I ? You didn't catch 
him. You never would have caught him. (Brown 
and Kamman laugh) And yet you come out here 



112 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

and try to tell me what I can and what I can't do 
with my own prisoner. I may be a lady, sir, but 
when it comes to getting personal, I can be just as 
much of a m.an as you are. 

Brown. {Drolly serious) Sheriff, just what is 
your deputy's name? 

Dolly. Dolly. 

Brown. Miss Dolly, permit me to introduce you 
to your vanquished foe, Mr. Arthur Sole. Mr. Sole 
will treat the crowd immediately. 

Dolly. (Staring at Sole in blank ajnazement) 
Sole? Arthur Sole? (Sole nods) I thought you 
were drowned? 

Sole. No, — I'm one of the souls that were 
saved. 

Dolly. But someone telegraphed Mr. Mac- 
Ginniss that you had been lost in the Atlantic Ocean. 

(A horse is heard approaching ojf rear.) 

Sole. That was a little joke on the part of my 
friend Brown. (Sole indicates Brown) 

Dolly. (Ga>s'f;z^ oi Brown) Brown? Thornton 
Brown? 

Brown. Who told you? 

Dolly. Then neither of you was drowned? 

Sole. No. 

Dolly. Not at all? 

Broow^n. Not once. 

Dolly. {Rnshing to cabinet for her hat) Oh, 
what have I done ! What have I done ! {She starts 
for door) 

Kamman. Where are you going? 

Dolly. To Arizona, to bring that poor lamb 
back. 

Sole. (Astonished) Did you send him to 
Arizona ? 

Dolly. (Jamming hat on her head) Yes. 

Brown. Horseback ? 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 113 

Dolly. Yes. {She dashes out) 

Kamman. {Following to door) Dolly! {There 
is the sound of clattering hoofs on a dead run which 
dies azvay. Brown laughs. Kamman looks at 
them puzzled. He then hastens to desk and awk- 
wardly tries to connect telephone zuires) 

Brown. {Down l.) How far is it to Arizona? 

Kamman. {Busy with zvires) Seven days. 
{Receives shock from wires and drops them) 
Ouch ! 

Brown. Horseback ? 

Kamman. Yes. (Brown roars with laughter, 
and Sole zvho is dozvn r. smiles broadly) I don't 
see anything so darned funny about it. 

Brown. You don't know George. {He dives 
into couch face down, and roars zvith laughter) 
Seven days on a bucking broncho ! {Ad lib business 
and laughter. Imitates bucking broncho rider) 

Kamman. {To Sole) Will you tell me who 
the devil is MacGinniss ? 

Sole. {Dozvn r., lighting cigar) George M:ic 
Farland, one of the richest young men in New York. 

Kamman. That kind of a crook, eh? 

Sole. No crook at all. He never stole anything 
in his life. 

Kamman. Then what in thunder are you chas- 
ing him for? 

Sole. On a bet. 

Kamman. A what? 

Sole. He said he would escape every officer of 
the law for one year. So we faked up a crime, he 
beat it, and we've been chasing him ever since. 

Kamman. Is that straight goods? 

Brown. Yes, sir. 

{Enter Martha r. walking backzvards and carrying 
the end of a lariat. She pulls, keeping the line 
taut, and about ten feet behind her comes Mac- 



114 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Farland. His arms arc zvrapped tightly to his 
sides by the lariat. He is hatless, dirty and torn. 
But the Nezv York cigar, altho broken^ is still 
in one corner of his month.) 

MacFarland. {When Martha has hauled him 
on and dozvn c. Dazed) Whoa! Nice horsie! I 
won't spur you in the flanks ! 

Brown. {With rising inflection) Georgie! 

Kamman. {To Martha) Where did you find 
him? 

Martha. Hanging on our picket fence. 

Kamman. {As the others laugh) What? 

Martha. I recognized him as the New York 
criminal, and wrapped him up and brought him 
back. 

MacFarland. {Stupidly looking at Brown) 
Zree days westh — four days souf — don't spur him 
in the flanks. 

Brown. {Holding out his hand) Georgie. 

(MacFarland looks at Brown. Blinks, looks 
at him again. Turns his head azvay, then tries 
it again. He seems to be hypnotized.) 

MacFarland. I'm seeing things. Brown! 
{Turns and sees Sole) Sole! Pinch me, some- 
body. 

Brown. Georgie. 

MacFarland. Thornt! — {Laughs hysterically 
and falls on Brown's shoulder) How did you get 
out of the Ocean? 

Brown. Did you get to Arizona? 

{Horse approaching.) 

MacFarland. No, it was fenced in. Take me 
down to Rector's. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 115 

Sole. (Going to hhn) Mighty glad to see you 
George. Shake. 

MacFarland. (Whose hands are tied. Indicat- 
ing Brown) Give it to him — I don't want it. 

Dolly. (Rushing in very excited) Well, I 
found his horse, but I can't find him. 

MacFarland. Here I am, Dolly. 

Dolly. (Amazed) Where did you come from? 

MacFarland. Off the picket fence. 

(Clock strikes nine.) 

Sole. (Dozvn r.) Nine o'clock, the year is up. 
It was a fair bet, the strong arm of the law has 
you and you lose. 

MacFarland. Yes, I lose. 

Dolly. He does not lose. 

Sole. You caught him and you are a deputy 
sheriff. 

Dolly. I wasn't a deputy sheriff when I caught 
him. 

Sole. (Quickly and anxiously) What? 

Dolly. Father made me a deputy sheriff after 
I caught him. 

(Kamman and MacFarland laugh.) 

Sole. (Looking at Brown and sirokinq chin) 
Oh, hell. 

Brown. (Same business) Oh, ditto. 

(Brown and Sole take checks from wallets.) 

Sole. You won, MacFarland, but the next time 
we bet on the strong arm of the law, women won't 
count. 

MacFarland. Women always count. Thirty 
thousand dollars please, gentlemen. (Both hand 



it6 believe me, XANTIPPE 

MacFarland checks and Brown crosses to Sole at 
R.) Many happy returns of the day. 

Brown. {Smiling) Same to you and many of 
'em. 

Sole. {To Brown) Come on, this is no place 
for a nervous man. 

Brown. {To MacFarland who is handing 
checks to Dolly) Georgie — we'll be waiting at the 
church. 

(Brown and Sole start for door r. arm in arm. 
They exit arm in arm during follozving.) 

MacFarland. Won't you please kiss me, Dolly ? 

Dolly. {To Kamman) Is that one of the 
duties of the deputy sheriff? 

Kamman. {Who is near door r. zvith Martha) 
I did it, when I was one. 

I^^Iartha. {Shocked) Bertram! (Kamman 
laughs as Martha pushes him off r. and follows 
him off) 

MacFarland. Dolly, I want to be your prisoner 
for life. May I? {As MacFarland embraces 
Dolly, Wrenn enters from r. with basket, sees 
situation, puts basket down and exits through c. 
door throwing up his arms in disgust) 

Curtain 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 117 



THE SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 



ACT I 

Oct. 7th. MacFarland's apartment in New York. 

ACT II 

Sept. 30th. A hunting shack in Southwestern 
Colorado. 

ACT III 

Two days later. The County Jail at Delta, Colorado. 

ACT IV 

Four days later. The same. 

Place: Neiv York and Colorado. 

Time : The present. 



ii8 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS 



George MacFarland, 28 of New York, well 
dressed, well built clubman. Well fed and per- 
fectl}^ satisfied with himself and apparently dis- 
satisfied with everything else. After the first 
act, play " MAC " for all the romance possible. 

Simp Calloway, 35, is a wiry man, with several 
days' growth of beard (this is optional with 
the actor playing the part, though he should 
not be "clean") He is quick as a cat, a bit 
stoop-shouldered ; every line of his body sug- 
gests alertness, and apprehension. Has a drawl. 

Arthur Sole, 45. Detective. Tall slender man, 
w4th deep set eyes, a stern face and quiet 
manners. Smooth shaven. 

Thornton Brown, 30. Friend of MacFarland. 
Jovial and breezy young lawyer. Bright and 
with a keen sense of humor. 

" Buck " Kamman, 50. A Colorado Sheriff. A big 
bronzed-skinned man. Rough, but tender- 
hearted. Has a gruff voice. 

" Wrenn " Rigley, 40. The Jailer. A bulky bald- 
headed man, smooth shaven, red faced, good 
natured. 

William, 35. A quiet manservant, used to the 
whims of MacFarland and meets each situation 
with the stoic sense of humor that is a genuine 
treat in a valet. 

Martha, 40. A lovable and motherly woman, very 
tender and thoughtful, and careful to say the 
right and proper thing at all times. A bit 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 119 

perturbed and apt to be frightened, but at peace 
with the world in general. 

Violet, 35. A chemical " blonde " of uncertain 
vintage, and the type of " w^oman " that the 
cow men " take up " with for a time. Breezy 
and slangy, and not over-burdened with morals 
and view-points. In the last act all the 
" steam " is gone. 

Dolly Kamman, 18. A splendid type of the 
Western girl, full of life, and with an air 
and manner that would break a bronco or blaze 
her trail into a drawing-room. She speaks 
quickly, thinks quickly, and when a tense situa- 
tion presents itself, can master and dominate all 
others. A broad mind, a tender heart, believes 
in romance, and has a disposition and manner 
that makes her a " winner ". 



120 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



COSTUMES PLOT 

George MacFarland: — 

Act L Tuxedo suit. Loose dressing gown. 

Act IL Badly torn hunter's uniform. 
Heavy walking boots. Four 
days' growth of beard. Hunt- 
ing belt containing Colts in 
holster on one side and large 
knife in holster on the other. 
Between them are cartridges. 
He carries a big Winchester 
rifle, 38.70 calibre. 

Act in. Same. 

Act IV. Same, with hat from Act I. For 
last entrance, arms are wrapped 
tightly with lariat, hatless, 
dirty and torn. 
Arthur Sole : — 

Act I. Wears dark blue clothes all through 
play. 
Thornton Brown : — 

Act I. Conventional clothes for lawyer all 
through play. 
Buck Kamman: — 

Act II. Heavy sandy moustache, much 
used suit of corduroy, riding 
boots, and a " Sheriff " Stetson 
hat. Revolver and watch. 
Bandana. 

Act III. Fresh shaven. Clean suit of light 
green corduroy. Well oiled 
boots with tops under trouser 
legs. A new Stetson hat. 

Act IV. Haggard and dirty. Week's growth 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 121 

of beard. The new hat of Act 
III is now battered and torn, 
a limp felt thing. One_ coat 
sleeve is ripped from wrist to 
shoulder. 

Simp Calloway:— r . j 

Act II. Several days' growth of beard. 
Stoop shouldered. Faded blue 
riding jumper and overalls. An 
old pair of plain leather 
"schapps". Large Colts in 
holster. Blue bandana about 
the neck and Mexican boots. 

Act IV. Old blue flannel shirt and overalls 
without schapps. 
Wrenn Rigley: — 

Act III. Smooth shaven, red face. Loose 
fitting black linen coat, black 
baggy kneed pants, and a black 
sateen shirt. Green tie. Blue 
bandana. 

Act IV. Lay-down linen collar. Orange 
colored tie. 
William : — 

Act I. Black suit, black tie. 
Martha : — 

Act hi. Calico house dress and sun-bonnet. 

Violet : — 

Act III, A very flashy bright-colored skirt, 
many rings, much rouge and a 
large picture hat with large 
plumes. 

Act IV. Denham " Mother-Hubbard ". 

Rougeless and wan. 
Dolly Kamman: 

Act II. Neat buckskin skirt and leggins. 
Blue flannel shirt. Dark leather 
jacket, hat, gauntlets. 



122 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Act III. Dark skirt, light shirtwaist, bare- 
headed. 

Act IV. Kimono, handkerchief. Back of the 
screen change to white skirt, 
shirtwaist, and colored necktie. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



123 




124 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



PROPERTY PLOT 



ACT I 



Hardwood floor cloth to cover stage 

Large medallion 

Rugs to dress 

Large fur rug front of fireplace 

Baby grand piano 

Duet seat for same 

Popular music on piano 

Library table 5 ft. long 

Oblong table 

2 Round tables, 24 in. 

1,4 ft. bookcase 

I, 6 ft. bookcase 

1 Cabinet 
Mantel 

Mirror over mantel 

Iron fire irons, dogs, etc. 

Large brass fender for fireplace 

2 Extra large arm chairs 
I Arm cltair 

4 Straight chairs 
I Settee 
I Pedestal 

1 Statue for pedestal 

Heavy plush curtains for windows 
Lace curtains for windows 
Mahogany clock for mantel 

2 Large brass candlesticks for mantel 
I Tobacco jar on mantel 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



125 







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^ 




c:^ 


K 


?: 


oo 


E- 


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126 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Box of cigars on table c. 

Matches in stand 

Ash receivers about stage 

Cheque book 

Writing materials on desk 

Large desk blotter, etc. 

Fountain pen for " BROWN " 

Fountain pen for " MAC " 

Cigarettes 

A "$100.00 bill" for "SOLE" 

Pocketbook for " SOLE " 

Silver-plated tape measure for " SOLE " 

Note book for " SOLE " 

Nickel-plated pocket-size flashlight for " SOLE " 

Magnifying lens for " SOLE " 

Small pair of silver-plated calipers for " SOLE 

Large batch of photographs for " MAC " 

Small pocket-size kodak for " SOLE " 

Desk telephone set 

New York Telephone book 



ACT II 



Ground cloth to cover stage 

Hood mantel 

Rough hand-made furniture throughout 

Table 48 in. x 30 in. 

4 Chairs 

Washstand and water bucket 

Cupboard with dishes 

Rustic beadstead, made out of pine saplings roped 

together and provided with rope springs upon 

which are pine boughs 
Canvas covered camp bed, rolled up and tied ready 

to use 
Bench 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 127 ; 

I Blue steel 45-70 Cal. Colt revolver in holster. , 

Army and Navy model. New — " MAC " j 

6 Cartridge belts with loaded cartridges j 

I Winchester rifle for '' DOLLY " | 

Wooden candlestick with candle j 

Matches \ 

Laro-e hunting knife in sheath for " MAC " \ 

Matches for " MAC " I 

Tin dipper for water bucket I 

Small badger for " MAC " (or squirrel) | 

Pipe and tobacco for " MAC " . 

AVash basin j 

Towel, on back of cupboard door I 

Bar of soap j 

Piece of gunny-sack j 

Tin basin in cupboard 1 

Several pieces of kindlinc^ wood ' 

Silver match safe for "MAC" ' 

Tooth brush for " MAC " 1 

% bushel of potatoes in sack l 

I Sharp potato knife I 

Heavy bolt and lock on c. door, with key 1 

A small size 22 cal. Winchester is concealed in the ^ 

blankets of the camp bed \ 

Tin coffee pot, in cupboard : 

Tin coffee can containing coffee, ground ; in cup- j 

board ' 

Large box of parlor matches in cupboard ' 

Cigarettes for " SIMP " ; (preferably cigarette ! 

papers and tobacco) 
Deck of playing cards in cupboard 

Another wooden candlestick with candle in cup- i 

board ;;i 

2, 45 cal. single action revolvers for " KAMMAN " ] 

and " SHERIFF " \ 

I, 32 cal. blue steel Smith & Wesson revolver for i 

" DOLLY " 



128 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 




oj 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 129 \ 

i 

ACT III ' 

Ground cloth to cover stage ] 

4 Navajo blanket rugs \ 

I Flat-top desk, oak j 

I Sv/ivel chair for same ] 

I Leather cushion for same 5 

I Office safe . ! 

I Old-fashioned desk i 

I High-back swivel chair for same i 

I Leather cushion in same ' 

I Clothes cabinet 

1 Rifle or gun rack, with rifles and handcuffs hung '• 

on pegs j 

Great quantity of papers on desks j 
Materials for writing, etc., on both desks 

2 Waste paper baskets, almost filled with material ; 
Heavy iron bolts on doors ,i 
White sign printed " NO ADMITTANCE " \ 
Black bulletin board on which are thumbed tacked . i 

notices of " REWARD ", " LOST, STRAYED , ■ 

or STOLEN " notices, etc. Also boldly printed 'i 

circular reading: ' 

$5,000.00 REWARD : 

i 
FOR TFIE CAPTURE OF GEORGE MAGGIN- 1 

NISS ; 

■\ 

Description ;: 



Door R. 2, sign painted " COUNTY JAIL ", below i 

that " SHERIFF'S OFFICE " ] 

Large faded map of Colorado, on r. wall "i 

Large map of the United States on l. wall ' 

Stack of old record books on top of safe i 

i 



I30 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Old spittoon 

6 Remington rifles — 38-70 cal. 

Whiskey flask in drawer of desk 

Tumbler for " WRENN " 

Key 

Box of cigars for " BUCK " 

Telegram for " BUCK " 

Desk telephone set on desk 

Old-fashioned faded couch down r. 

Pair of large spurs in closet 

Clothes of various sorts in closet 

Matches 

Cell key 

Horse effect off r. 

Concealed in the tin foil 



Curtains and shade on 
window R. 



^ is a large skeleton key, 
and small 3-cornered 
^ file. 
Newspaper cornucopia containing immense bunch of 

mountain flowers, " VIOLET " 
The stem of bouquet is long, wrapped with tin-foil, 

and black thread 
Iron ball and chain, prac, with iron band for 

" MAC '' ankle 
Large pocket knife for " WRENN " 
Pencil and paper in drawer of desk 



ACT IV 

(Same set as Act III) 

Rooster crow off R., three different effects 
A new roll top desk and chair are now r. 
Small gold framed landscape picture over desk 
Pretty wicker waste basket near desk 
A wolf rug in front of couch which is now L. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 131 

A large bear skin nig in front of it 

The entire room is more orderly and the maps hang- 
straight on the walls 

The books are arranged neatly on a sciUoped edge 
cloth 

New neat white blotters on desk 

Spittoon removed and replaced by small stand upon 
Avhich rests an Indian flower pot with a fern 

Bobcat rug in front of c. desk 

The windows are now draped with short lace cur- 
tains tied with pink ribbons 

Vase of flowers on desk 

Horse effect off R. 

I^arge white pillow on couch 

Earge Navajo blanket to cover " DOLLY " on couch 

Green portable screen leaning against the wa.ll in 
corner, above couch 

Dog bark off r. 

Shots off R. 

Empty shells for " BUCK " in Colts 

Telegram 

Box of cigars in desk drawer, 3 cigars wrapped in 
tin foil 

Set of field glasses 

Box of matches 

Ten feet of dog chain with lock and ring on one 
end 

Chain hobbles for " MAC " 

Pail of water, sponge and drying cloth for 
" WRENN " 

Order pad for " WRENN " 

Eland towel in desk drawee r 

Pad of writing paper in desk drawer 

Envelope in desk drawer 

The desk telephone in this act must be prac. to break 
connection 

Lonj; lariat which is used to tie ud '' MAC " 



132 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Broken cigar for " MAC " 

Clock, and clock strike 

Cheques in wallets for " BROWN " and '' SOLE 

Basket for " WRENN " 

Auto horn off R. 

Train whistle 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 133 



ELECTRICAL PLOT 



ACT I 



NOTE : The arrangement of your footlights and 
ceiling border for this play, should be as fol- 
lows : 

In your footlights have 

The first Six (6) globes RED 
The next Four (4) globes PINK 
The next Ten (10) globes AMBER 
The remainder of the globes STRAW 

In your ceiling border have 

The first Four (4) globes RED 
The next Four (4) globes PINK 
The next Eight (8) globes AMBER 
The remainder of the globes STRAW 

By using the lights in this manner the best 
lighting and results can be obtained. 



At rise: HANDSOME INTERIOR. 

Footlights FULL UP i: 

Ceiling border ^ UP j 

Blue arcs outside window at back c. i 

AMBER bunches in r. u. e. and l. u. e. j 

ORANGE glow in fireplace r. i. J 

4, 2-light brackets with ROSE silk shades on i 

walls, LIGHTED. l 

2 stand lamps on tables, LIGHTED. ' 



134 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

Electric wall plate switch on wall u. l. 

Desk telephone, with PRAC. bell box on set, to 

ring from prompt. 
Electric vest pocket flash light to be used by 

character. 
" Your lights work changes in this act ". 



ACT II 



At rise : ROUGH INTERIOR 

Footlights y2. 
Ceiling border 3^. 
RED Arcs outside window and door at back, to 

change to Blue. 
Dull AMBER glow from room l. u. e. 
Fireplace r. u. is practical. 
" Your liehts work changes durins: this act." 



ACT III 



At rise : INTERIOR OF JAIL. 

Footlights FULL UP 
Ceiling border FULL UP 
Back border AMBER FULL UP 
AMBER Arc outside window and door r. 
AMBER bunches outside door at back c. 
Desk telephone set, and Prac. bell box on set. 
" Your lights stand throughout this act." 



ACT IV 
At rise: (Same as Act III) 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 135 

Footlights 54 to work up with the Sunrise effect 

to FULL 
Ceiling border same to work up with the Sunrise 

effect to FULL 
Back border same to work up with the Sunrise 

effect to FULL 
BLUE FROSTED over AMBER Arcs at r. to 

work Sunrise to STRAW. 
In this act the telephone connection is " broken " 

on stage. 
Entrance lights as before. 
" Your liR-hts work in this act." 



136 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 



MEMO AND STAGE MANAGER'S WORKING 

PLOT 



ACT I 



Footlights FULL Ceiling border ^. Brackets and 
lamps and fire ON. 

No Music. 

Curtain. 

if I could catch them, sir. 

READY DOOR BELL 

Not that I know of, sir. 

DOOR BELL 

as if vou were immune. 

READY DOOR BELL 

in spite of high tide or Hell. 

DOOR BELL 

watch this house all night. 

READY LIGHTS 

Turn them out. BUS. 

LIGHTS OUT 

Turn on the lights. All right. 

LIGHTS ON 

Where is he ? 

READY TELEPHONE 

Where is he? (Second time) 

WARNING 

I'm not excited. 

TELEPHONE 

What. He stole my hat. 

CURTAIN (Ring Act II on the word "What") 

Foot lights and ceiling border at ^ 

RED Arcs on back drop ready to come to BLUE. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 137 

No Music. 
Curtain. 

It isn't safe. 

DIM LIGHTS TO 1/3. 

if I have to sleep on the floor. 

READY LIGHT CHANGE TO BLUE ON 

BACK DROP. 

a week if you want to. 

BLUE ON BACK DROP. 

hobbled and vour guns loaded. 

DIM LIGHTS TO y4. 

don't be slow about it. 

DIM LIHTS TO Yg. 

straight home and tell me. Under- 
stand ? 
DIM LIGHTS DOWN AND OUT. 

Does anybody live here? BUS. 

ON TLIIS BUS. WORK YOUR LIGHTS UP TO 
REQUIRED PLAYING LIGHT. 

Anybodv home ? 

READY FIRE LIGHT. 

to eat you raw. BUS. 

ON THIS BUS. BRING ON YOUR FIRE. 

absolutely alone all night. 

READY LIGHTS OUT. 

Pleasant dreams. Nightv, nighty. 

BUS. 
LIGHTS OUT. 
Mr. MacGinniss. Mr. MacGinniss. 

Mr. MacGinniss. 
READY LIGHTS ON. 

Light the candle. BUS. 

LIGHTS ON. 

Have you got a gun ? 

READY LIGHTS OUT. 

Throw up your hands. BUS. 

LIGHTS OUT. 

Don't shoot. Don't shoot. 



138 BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 

READY LIGHTS ON, 

_. _ — Who ever heard of gas up here ? 

BUS. 
LIGHTS ON. 

if he kicks me, shoot him. 

WARNING. 

couple of bucks before the season 

closed. 
CURTAIN (Ring on the word " Before ") 



ACT III 



Footlights and ceiling border FULL 

AMBER Arcs outside window and door r. 

No Music. 

Curtain. 

She's a deputy sheriff now. 

READY TELEPHONE. 

and if I don't like it 

TELEPHONE. 

What do you know? 

READY HORSE EFFECT OFF r. 2 cues. 

getting the best of you. 

READY VOICES OFF r. 

Oh, vou. You. You. 

HORSE EFFECT. No. i. 

Something doing. 

VOICES OFF R. 

Whoop-ee. 

HORSE EFFECT. No. 2. 

swam to her assistance — and there 

you are. 
READY TELEPHONE. 

That's all I had time to do. 

TELEPHONE. 

by a flock of pearls. 



BELIEVE ME, XANTIPPE 139 

KEADY TELEPHONE. 
WARNING. 

Thank God Sole is siili alive. 

TELEPPIONE. 

then both went down. Sing Sing. 



CURTAIN. 



ACT IV 



Lights at J4 J Sunrise effect to work outside 
window and door r. 

Horse effect ready. 

No Music. 

Curtain. 

— Do you wish to see the Sunrise ? 

BY THIS CUE YOU HAVE WORKED YOUR 
LIGHTS TO FULL. 

Pap"e 8 in the Act. 

Simpson we're here to work. 

READY TRAIN WHISTLE. 

■ Did vou know them ? 

TRAIN WHISTLE FAINT. 

dish of strawberries and cream. 

READY TELEPHONE. 

be a prisoner in this jail. BUS. 

TELEPHONE. 

We beo- your pardon. 

READY AUTO HORN OFF r. 

taking his exercise now. 

READY HORSE EFFECT OFF r. 

Is there a taxi-cab in this town? 

No. 
AUTO HORN. 

All right. (Dolly caUing ojf door) 

HORSE EFFECT. 

have I got to wear spurs ? 



140 BELIEVE ^,IE, XANTIPPE 

READY HORSE EFFECT. 

• I'm not going to hurt you. Nice 

horsie. 
HORSE EFFECT. 

step down and get the mail. 

READY HORSE EFFECT. 

had been lost in the Atlantic Ocean. 

HORSE EFFECT. 

part of my friend Brown. 

READY HORSE EFFECT. 

Horse back ? Yes. Dolly. 

HORSE EFFECT. CLATTER OF HOOFS. 

DEAD RUN. 

1 won't spur you in the flanks. 

READY HORSE EFFECT. 

I'm seeing things. Brown. 

READY CLOCK STRIKE NINE. 

Did you get in Arizona ? 

HORSE EFFECT. 

Off the picket fence. 

CLOCK NINE (9) 

Women won't count. 

WARNING. 

to be your prisoner for life. May 

I? 
CURTAIN (Ring on the word "Life") 



